10 Steps To Loving Unconditionally

March 2, 2017

Do you want to love others unconditionally but find it nearly impossible? Are you left frustrated, angry and upset or feeling like a failure every time you attempt this kind of love? If so, maybe your approach to unconditional love could use a little teasing. I want to share with you ten steps that can help you love others unconditionally.

First, let’s talk about what unconditional love is.

Unconditional love is…

  • an action
  • a choice
  • has no expectations
  • without conditions
  • vulnerable
  • courageous

It is a different kind of love rather than your ordinary love. It is a gift you give where you expect nothing in return. It is when you accept the other personright where they are.

Loving in this way can be powerful, painful, and yet so rewarding if you remain consistent.   If you missed last weeks post, I encourage you to go back and read, “Is Unconditional Love Even Possible?” Click here.

As stated in my post from last week, I do not think we possess the ability for this type of perfect unrestricted love. However, with following the ten steps below, we can get a heck of a lot closer.

Ten Steps To Loving Unconditionally

1.  Choose it: You have to choose to love in this way, not wait for the feelings to come. This affection is not a feel-good kind of love. You do this regardless of the other person’s behavior. Of course, I am by no means suggesting that you have no boundaries. One must protect themselves from burnout and danger.

2.  Let Go of Expectations and Conditions: The minute you start having expectations or contingencies, you have turned towards a different kind of love that does not reflect unconditional love.

When you expect something in return or want the other person to earn your love – this is not unconditional love.

3.  Acceptance: If we can’t accept the other person for who they are one can’t give this type of unrestricted affection. Acceptance does not mean that you agree or like what the other person is doing or saying, but you love them in spite of it.

4.  Drop the Judgments: Judgments are almost always toxic in a relationship. When we hang on to judging others, it doesn’t allow us the freedom to love.

5.  Love Languages: Learn what the five emotional love languages are and start speaking in your loved one’s language. Do not assume they share the same language as you. Click here to take a test and find out what your love language is.

My #1 love language is quality time so giving me gifts is nice, but it is not going to reach my soul where I will feel loved.

6.  Forgiveness: It is difficult to love another person when you have built up resentments. Forgiveness will allow you to feel better regardless of whether the other person is sorry.

You will need to find a way to forgive so that you will be free to love.

7.  Love Yourself: One crucial thing is you have to start with yourself. It is impossible to love another with all of their imperfections when you do not love yourself. Once you get to a place where you see yourself as worthy of the love you will be ready to give this same kind of love.

Do you love yourself with an unconditional love?

8.  Practice: This sort of love doesn’t come naturally, so it is going to take some practice. Try and try again.

Start small – Do something every day for another where you expect nothing in return.


10.  Seek God – Did you know God speaks your love language? Tap into his power and strength. Allow him to love you in your emotional love language. Remember

You will come up short at loving unconditionally but God will not.

If God has called you to love someone with unconditional love – I encourage you to go for it. Be courageous and love them with this audacious kind of love that has no limits or expectations. Taking the ten steps above will get you closer and when you fail do not beat yourself up – remember it takes practice.

Please, share with all of us any additional steps you take that help you love others or yourself unconditionally? 

Don’t forget to visit my monthly favorites page where you will find a few of my cherished books on “Love.”


  1. Reply

    Aimee Imbeau

    To love unconditionally – it is a discipline we have to train in. It isn’t easy. But loving the difficult people is what we are called to do. Thanks for sharing on Grace and Truth.

    1. Reply

      Maree Dee

      Aimee – That is so true it is a discipline, and we have to train for it. I like that. Thank you for sharing your wise words. Maree

  2. Reply


    These are awesome! My favorites are 1 and 2. Love is a choice and expectations and conditions are never helpful. May we all put these to good use!

    1. Reply

      Maree Dee

      Sarah – Thank you for stopping by. Yes, my favorite is #1. I must choose. Maree

  3. Reply


    Wonderful post Maree. Thank you!

    1. Reply

      Maree Dee

      Thank you – I love it when you leave me little words of encouragement. Maree

  4. Reply

    Lisa notes...

    “Is courageous” is one thing that stuck out to me. Courage doesn’t come naturally to me. 🙂 But when we really stick our necks out to love someone unconditionally, it requires courage. Thanks for sharing this!

    1. Reply

      Maree Dee

      Lisa – Yes, we have to stand up and be courageous. I couldn’t do it without God. As a little girl, I was fearful of everything, especially rejection. Wishing you courage as you love other unconditionally. Blessings, Maree

  5. Reply


    ‘Start small’ – definitely. Sometimes I have tried to do ‘big’ to show someone they are loved and I get overwhelmed when actually small actions & words built upon one another add up and form a good foundation for bigger things! I’m also glad of the reminder that while I’ll often fail at loving unconditionally, Father God never does!

    1. Reply

      Maree Dee

      I agree God is ultimately in charge and the fact that he won’t fail is a huge relief for me. I won’t stop trying, but I know I come up short.

  6. Reply

    Kristi Woods

    Great tips. I found myself nodding my head in agreement, especially concerning seeking God, the Love Languages, and loving self. All have been life-changers in my walk, and many other testimonies have touted the same. It was a joy to visit today via #raralinkup.

    1. Reply

      Maree Dee

      Kristi – Thank you for visiting today! I agree. all of them are life changers. I don’t know about you, but I tend to forget a few as life goes on. It was nice to revisit the love languages.

  7. Reply

    Dawn Boyer

    Maree Dee,

    It is not an accident that you are writing these words now, nor is it coincidental that the Lord has put you in my path for such a time as this. Choosing to love is a big one, isn’t it. I appreciate you put it first. Sometimes we have to choose to see love as an option. Sometimes we need to choose to see what that kind of love can look like tangibly and realistically.
    As I sat with my daughter who is struggling through the trials of life I was reminded that Love covers a multitude of sins… Love covers the weight of hurt and pain and although it doesn’t fix what is wrong, it reminds us that we are not alone.

    May God continue to use your words to bring hope to those who read.

  8. Reply

    Crystal Twaddell

    Letting go of expectations seems to be my biggest challenge. Appreciate this very practical approach!

    1. Reply

      Maree Dee

      Crystal, Letting go of expectations is a big one for me too. Maree

  9. Reply


    Such great tips, Maree! Thank you for the simple clarity : )

    1. Reply

      Maree Dee

      You are so welcome! Thank you for stopping by. Maree

  10. Reply


    Love that you point out that it’s a choice to love unconditionally. Also, I tend to get hung up on expectations and/or judgments, but I know that I can find freedom in relationships as I let go of those things and love without any conditions.

    1. Reply

      Maree Dee

      I am with you too. Expectations are what get me. I also find that loving my children with unconditional love comes a little easier than other relationships. I still have to choose it.

  11. Reply


    Thanks for sharing- these are great tips! I really appreciated your last post on this so I am glad I ended up next to you at Fresh Market Friday today so that I could find this one.

    1. Reply

      Maree Dee

      Lesly – I am glad you ended up next to me too. I hope to see you again. I love interacting with you on the blog. Maree

  12. Reply


    Great point about when we hold onto judgements we’re not free to love. Judgement sure can be the enemy of relationship, can’t it. Good list, Maree — Thanks for sharing with #ChasingCommunity today. ((hug))

    1. Reply

      Maree Dee

      Brenda – If I am honest I though I didn’t judge others too much until I did a little studying on the subject. I was in shock at how often we judge others. I find judgments really get in the way but are hard not to make.

  13. Reply


    Maree, I think my last comment got eaten by those naughty little bots. So I’ll try not to repeat myself in case it shows up again. Let me just say how encouraging it is to know that God’s unconditional love will never let us down.
    Thanks for sharing these insights! I’m pinning this nugget of wisdom to share with others right now!
    Marva | SunSparkleShine

    1. Reply

      Maree Dee

      Marva, Thank you for pinning and visiting. I have got to figure out that pinning stuff. The technology of blogging can be overwhelming at times. I am so glad you reposted a comment. I don’t see the first one. Maree

      1. Reply


        Yes, comment-eating bots is another aspect of blogging that can be frustrating. 🙂 But I’m so glad we got to connect. Your site is beautiful and I can tell this won’t be my last visit. Those little bots did not scare me off!

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