Sometimes Mothers Day Hurts
I remember a day not so long ago that I awoke with heaviness as if bricks were piled high on my heart. It hurt to breathe. I thought to myself, do I have to open my eyes and get on with my day? How could I possibly enjoy Mothers Day with my child far away in a place she doesn’t want to be?
I knew she was in such agony and so angry with me. I was sure she felt abandoned and blamed me. See she was my child that never liked to spend a night away from home. And I had sent her halfway across the country to a place that I thought would help her in a way that I wasn’t able.
How could I face those happy mothers at church and brunch? How could I give my other two children the love they needed on this day. How could I accept recognition as a mother when I felt like such a failure? How could I give my momma the love she so deserved on this day when my heart was breaking? I was riddled with such deep pain.
Life had not turned out as I expected and I so wanted it to be different!
I let my mind wander; I remembered back to another Mothers Day when my sweet friend, Sara, eloquently demonstrated how to embrace the sadness and the beauty of the day.
Sara had cancer and was seeking treatment at a hospital close to me. I loved visiting her. But that particular day I dreaded the visit and put it off until the end of the day. I had muddled through a celebration with my family where our hearts were heavy with the pain of loving and hurting for someone with cancer. Thoughts raced through my mind, how could I visit her and keep it together? Would she even want to see me on Mothers Day when her children were 275 miles away? I wondered if this would be the last mother’s day she would have, If that were true it just seemed wrong to enjoy the day.
Upon arriving at the hospital, my husband and I left our children in the waiting room so not to upset her. To our surprise, we found a smiling beautiful lady who asked to visit with our children. Sara’s life was hanging in the balance; her children were far away and yet she was ready to embrace the beauty of the moment.
Remembering my sweet friend’s example, I then faced my mother’s day determined to find the beauty in it. I would choose to embrace the pain and the joy of the day, just like Sara did. I leaned on God; counted what I did have, and embraced the moments of the day. Yes, of course, I cried, and I missed my child immensely. I focused on what I did have – not what I didn’t have!
Of course, those around me had no idea how to treat me. I could see and feel their looks of worry. Do we mention who is missing? So I helped them by announcing, “Today is a special day. Yes, I am sad, but I will embrace all the joy this day has to offer. I will have tears of sadness and tears of joy. One will not cancel the other out.”
So when I received that unexpected call from afar to wish me a “Happy Mothers Day” and hear those words, “I love you.” I considered it, icing on the cake. I embraced that moment. I concentrated on just how good that was and not anything else.
Things that helped me that day:
• Embracing the sadness in the day
• Embracing the beauty in the day
• Counting my blessings
• Announcing my plan
• Letting go of guilt
• Staying in the present moment
Sometimes the pain is so great it is just impossible to embrace anything. I get that. Sometimes we can just endure the day, and nothing more. Sometimes the most we can muster up is just being thankful the day is over. That is Okay.
I hope where ever life finds you in whatever life circumstances that you will remember my sweet friend and how she was able to find beauty in her day.
I would love to hear how you embrace special days when in the midst of pain.