How to Be Brave Enough Not to Please

Are you brave enough not to please? Even when it comes to motherhood? As mothers, we carry a deep desire to comfort, help, and fix, especially as moms of children with mental illness. But sometimes, the most loving thing we can do is to step back and let God work—even when it feels like we’re failing.

Motherhood isn't about pleasing—it's about trusting. God's strength fills the gap where ours ends. #motherhood #FaithOverFear #brave Share on X

When Being the “Mean Mom” Is Brave Love

I’ve never struggled with setting rules or following through with discipline. But when it came to withholding my presence from a child in visible pain, my heart broke into pieces. I didn’t want to seem harsh, unloving, or cold—especially when my daughter was crying out for help.

When our college-aged daughter battled emotional and physical pain, I was the mom who always rushed to the ER at her call. Until one day, a counselor gave me advice I didn’t want to hear:

“Stop taking her to the ER every time she calls.”

My heart sank as I quivered in my seat. “You mean the next time Marie says her pain is intense, I’m to ignore her pleading and tell her we will talk in the morning.”

“Yes,” he said firmly.

I wanted to scream, “But she’s hurting!”

I wanted to believe I was helping her heal.

But the truth was—we were all exhausted from middle-of-the-night ER visits that never proved helpful. And nothing was changing.

The Night That Changed Everything

“It’s okay if your hands tremble when doing the hard thing. God still sees it as courage.” #GraceInTheHard #brave #parenting Share on X

The dreaded call came late one evening.

“Mom, I need you. I’m in terrible pain. It’s different this time; it’s real. Please take me to the ER.”

Tears filled my eyes. Her pleading voice tore at my soul. As I replied, “No, I won’t take you tonight.”

Then I heard a friend in the background say, “What do you mean your mom won’t take you?”

And that’s when doubt hit me like a wave:

• What kind of mom doesn’t help her child?
• What if others think I’m cruel?
• My friends would help.
• Am I being a loving mom or a negligent one?

I hung up and turned to her dad. “Please, you take her. Her friends think we’re heartless.”

But he stood firm. We had agreed that we needed to stop the cycle. Even though it felt like I was betraying my daughter, after all, she had challenges that most girls her age weren’t even aware existed. I knew deep down, we were trying to give her strength.

Have you ever had to be the “mean mom,” pushing a challenged child?

Brave Parenting Isn’t Always Popular

Being the “mean mom” is never easy, especially when raising a child with mental health challenges. The judgment from others, the doubt in your own heart, the tears, they’re all real. Perhaps you don’t have extra hurdles, but all of us raising children will at some point be faced with having to push a child when all we want to do is wrap them in our arms and wipe away their pain.

But when your child is struggling, your strength matters more than your popularity.

We aren’t being harsh or insensitive—it’s about prayerfully, courageously trusting God’s direction for our child’s journey even when it breaks your heart.

It may feel impossible and go against your maternal instincts, and yet it might be what your child needs to move forward.

7 Ways to Be Brave Enough Not to Please

• Trust God’s love for your child. He loves your child more than you.
• Seek God’s wisdom daily. He will show you the way. “If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.” (James 1:5 ESV)
• Please don’t do it alone. Surround yourself with a faithful support circle. Choose people who truly get it and won’t judge what they don’t understand.
• Remember: thoughts and feelings are not facts. Both your and your child’s emotions are valid, but that doesn’t make them factual.
• Let the whispers, comments, and stares roll right off of you. God sees your heart; others may never understand.
• Lean on scripture.”I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” (Philippians 4:13 NKJV)
• Focus on the end goal. Your loved one’s growth, not just momentary relief.

Dear Mom, God walks the long road with you. He sees every tear and honors your faithfulness. #Isaiah4011 #BraveMotherhood Share on X

You Are Not Alone, Mama

Next time you see a mother who seems “mean” for not rushing to her child’s aid, pause and hold the judgments. Maybe she’s not being cold. Perhaps she’s being brave. Maybe she’s choosing faith over fear. Instead, be inquisitive and see if you can help.

I’ve been there. And I’ll never forget the pain of those nights.

She may be the strongest, bravest mom you will ever meet!

I’m so proud of our daughter. She graduated from college, received her master’s in special education, and is a school teacher for children with a severe autism diagnosis. She’s loving, kind, and stronger than ever. But best of all, this past, our brave daughter chose to foster the most precious baby taken straight from the ICU at a month old. She went on to adopt her, and we officially welcomed her into our family in 2025. But she stole our hearts from the beginning.

Yes, the challenges are still there—but she’s learned to face them head-on.

And I’m learning that my job isn’t to fix everything.

It’s to love her fiercely, pray without ceasing, and trust God’s plan—even when it means not pleasing her in the moment.

Have You Been There?

Have you ever had to go against your instincts to help your child grow? Has your faith in parenting been tested when others didn’t understand your decisions?

Leave a comment or message me privately—I’d love to pray for you and walk this journey together.

You may feel like the “mean mom” today, but Heaven calls you faithful. #FaithfulMom #embracingfaithandmentalillness Share on X

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