Judgment is a natural part of being human, but it can also cause problems. Do you want to stop judging others and experience more peace and enjoyment in your relationships? Join me in learning to adopt a non-judgmental stance.
Remember, it is not about perfection; it is about progress.
When You Are in Judgmental Mode
I have to admit, I gasped at the unexpected sight of a grown woman in bright yellow footy pajamas heading into Walmart.
I thought to myself, Who would go to the store like that? What was she thinking? I know young teens head out in all kinds of outfits, but this was a woman close to my age—and I am no teen.
The alarms in my head went off: I am in judgmental mode.
Stop Judging—Change Your Thinking
I quickly decided to change my thinking. I sat back and reframed my thoughts.
Hurray for the woman in the yellow pajamas. Good for her! She made it out of the house today.
Then another thought came to mind: I wish I had the gumption to head to the store in that outfit. It must be nice to feel free enough to be yourself.
I realized I had made some progress toward developing a non-judgmental attitude. This time, I recognized right away that I wasn’t the holder of the truth—nor had I been elected to be the fashion police. I had no way of knowing why she was dressed that way.
I let my mind wander. Maybe it was dress-up day at work or a dare from someone. Maybe she was having an incredibly difficult day, and it took all of her strength to get out of the house and head to the store. Or maybe she had been up all night with a sick loved one and desperately needed to buy something.
But the bottom line was this: Maybe she likes to dress in pajamas, and who am I to say it is wrong?
We rarely know the whole story behind another person’s actions. #quicktojudge #judgmental Share on XDoes it Matter?
One might ask, does it even matter what I think?
Yes, I believe it does. As we discovered last week, our judgments can become problematic. If you missed the post, you can read Why Is Judging Others a Problem for Us?
Her reasons for dressing the way she did belonged to her. I went about my day smiling at the lady in the yellow pajamas, with peace in my heart.
A non-judgmental stance helps us see the best in others—and isn’t that what we hope others will see in us?
Taking a Non-Judgmental Stance
Learning to take a non-judgmental stance takes time and practice. We will never do it perfectly, but becoming more aware of our judgments can make a tremendous difference. Here are a few steps we can practice.
Notice the Judgment
When you begin to hear yourself judging, stop and notice what is happening. If you aren’t sure when you’re judging, listen for words like good, bad, right, wrong, unfair, fair, never, always, no one, everyone, should, or shouldn’t.
These words aren’t always judgments, but they can signal that you’ve slipped into judgmental thinking.
Pause
Pause for a moment before letting your mind jump to conclusions. Simply observe what is happening before deciding what it means.
Describe the Facts
Learn to state the facts as you see them without adding an interpretation.
For example: “He ran the stop sign” instead of “Did you see that idiot run the stop sign?”
Give the Benefit of the Doubt
What might change if we assumed we don’t know the whole story?
We rarely know everything behind another person’s actions. Extending the benefit of the doubt doesn’t mean pretending harmful behavior is okay. It simply means recognizing that we may not know another person’s circumstances, motives, or struggles.
Giving someone the benefit of the doubt doesn’t mean harmful behavior is okay. It means recognizing that we may not know the whole story. #benefitofthedoubt #judemental Share on XLook for the Good in Others
Actively look for the good in others. We are all flawed, and constantly focusing on what is wrong can steal our peace. Looking for what is good can help us approach others with greater grace.
Let Go of Self-Judgment
Sometimes we direct our harshest judgments toward ourselves. As we learn to offer ourselves grace, we may discover that we have more grace to extend to others, too.
Accept Feelings, Thoughts, and Emotions
Practice naming your feelings, thoughts, and emotions without judging them immediately.
For example, “I am afraid” instead of “I shouldn’t be afraid to stay alone at night.”
We can offer others the same gift—allowing them to experience their emotions without deciding whether those feelings are right or wrong.
Remember That Nonverbal Communication Speaks Volumes
Pay attention to your tone and body language. We can communicate judgment quickly with a roll of the eyes, a sigh, or an inflection in our voice that says something entirely different from our words.
Leave Judgment to God
Ultimately, God sees what we cannot. He knows the circumstances, the heart, and the motives behind a person’s actions.
We don’t.
Ask Him to reveal where judgment has gotten in the way of loving others well and to help you respond with wisdom, humility, and grace.
God sees what we cannot. When we leave judgment to Him, we are free to love others with greater humility and grace. #God #judgment Share on X“Therefore judge nothing before the appointed time; wait until the Lord comes. He will bring to light what is hidden in darkness and will expose the motives of the heart. At that time each will receive their praise from God.”
(I Corinthians 4:5 NIV)
You may be skeptical about adopting a non-judgmental stance, and that’s okay. I encourage you to try it and let the experience speak for itself. Choose one or two of the practices above and notice what happens this week.
It isn’t about never having another judgmental thought. It is about noticing those thoughts and choosing what you do with them.
When we become slower to judge and quicker to extend grace, we make room for more peace and joy in our relationships. #grace #peace #joy Share on XHow has becoming more aware of your judgments changed the way you relate to others? Has it brought more peace to your relationships?
Thank you so much Maree Dee, I just stumbled on your article and I would love to have a personal conversation with you about judging others as I struggle with this a lot🙏🤍.
Please feel free to email me; that is probably the best way to chat. Please know you are not alone. It is so hard not to judge. But noticing it is the first step to stopping or cutting back.Blessings, Maree
I love how you broke it down, giving explanation and reason for each. I especially appreciate how you showed what it looks like in the moment. My favorite is to let go of self- judgment, I think so many judge because they believe they are being judged, so it is a way of putting up defensive mechanisms up first, a kind of deflection. Great tips! Many thanks 8)
Debra, Thank you for your kind encouragement. Yes, I agree self-judgment is a BIG one. I am my own worst critic. Thank you for adding to our conversation here at Embracing the Unexpected. Blessings, Maree
I am horrible at judging others. I work in customer service and so many people lie to get refund money they don’t deserve. 20+ years in customer service has left me jaded, yet scripture says my jaded attitude is just as sinful as their lies in Jesus’ eyes. You present so many good suggestions to behave better and I thank you.
Thank you for your vulnerability and honesty. I think you are so right. It would be hard not to judge what you observe in your job. We are works in progress.
Love this post, Maree. I have to admit I get into judgemental mode far more often than I would like to admit. The points you make here are such good ones.
It is hard not to be judgmental. I think we are all wired a bit that way. I have to work at it. Thank you for visiting. Maree
Pinned & Tweeted. Love your points here Maree!
Thanks for linking up at InstaEncouragements!
Thank you, Patsy.
I love this post, Maree! It’s great! I’ve tweeted it and am bookmarking it so I can go through it again as needed.
Thanks so much for sharing this! 🙂
I am so glad you found it helpful. It is amazing how easy it is to fall into the trap of judging others. Just this week I had to stop myself and recognize I was judging and it was not helpful.
You made me LOL!😁
“Hurray for the woman in the yellow pajamas.”
I am so glad I could make you laugh. I love that woman in the yellow pajamas. Have a wonderful day! Maree
Wonderful points and tips to turning away from an attitude of judgement! Thank you so much, Mardee, for joining me at #MomentsofHope!
Blessings and smiles,
Lori
Lori,
Thank you so much for taking the time to comment. It encourages me to keep writing. I love #MomentsofHope. Thank you for hosting a great website and linkup.
Blessings,
Maree
Good advice and so God-ordained as this has been something I’ve been praying about lately. Thank you!
Laura,
Thank you so much for your encouraging comment. I love when you stop by and leave a message.
Blessings,
Maree
Stepping all over my toes but in a good way!! When we take the time to be slow to speak and quick to hear the Spirit’s voice we’ll be well on our way to less judgement. Great practical tips to slow our roll and leave the judging to the ultimate judge. Enjoyed your post and now I’ll think of the lady in the yellow footie pjs every time I’m tempted to judge! Hooray for her!
Heather,
I agree with you, hooray for the lady in the yellow pjs. I think of her often.
I am so glad I stepped on your toes in a good way.
Wishing you a beautiful day,
Maree
This is a question I’ve been wrestling with for some time… Can we use good judgment without being judgmental? I like your tips here and will apply them, especially giving people the benefit of the doubt. Blessings!
Liz,
It is a difficult question to wrestle with. We are called to discern at times, but overall judging causes problems in relationships. It is a fine line.
Thanks for stopping by,
Maree
I’ve learned to appreciate getting my toes stepped on…Thanks for tackling this subject so well!
Crystal,
You are so welcome! Thank you for your vote of confidence and sharing me as your featured writer this week. I feel honored.
Blessings,
Maree
Something we ALL need to be mindful of! I hate that my mind leaps to judgment so quickly.
Glenna,
I am right there with you I hate it when my mind leaps there too.
Blessings,
Maree
Awesome tips! We need to be aware of our judgments instead of delving into them and staying there.
Sarah,
Yes, I agree awareness is so critical to stopping the judgments. I know for me it is half the battle.
Maree
This is such a tough thing to conquer, but you have some great guidance here!!!
Kathryn, I am so glad you stopped by and found the post helpful. Hope you had a great day. Maree
Judging seems to happen before I know it’s even happening. GREAT tips! Thank you for encouraging us at Literacy Musing Mondays.
Brandi,
I agree judging happens so quickly we don’t even realize we are doing it. The good news is the more are we are, the faster we can divert our thoughts into something good. Thanks for stopping by, Maree
Choosing your post as my favorite for this week’s Literacy Musing Mondays post. Feel free to grab the featured button!
Brandi,
Thank you! I feel so honored.
Blessings,
Maree
Such a great post! Just shared it on Twitter. I know I am too judgmental, even if only in my head. I judge others too quickly and I judge myself too quickly, too. Great advice here to start nipping it in the bud sooner. Thanks for sharing, Maree.
Lisa,
Thank you for sharing on Twitter, you made my day. I am glad the blog was helpful. We all have work to do in this area, including me.
Maree
Goodness, I’ve judged more times than I care to offer. It’s truly a temptation that entangles. Maree, I love your honesty here and your gentle turn of our heads toward Jesus. He is the answerer to all our problems, even the judgmental thoughts. I’ll be thinking of yellow jammies now and of Jesus as those thoughts attempt to take root. Good post! #coffeeforyourheart
Kristi,
Thank you for your kinds words in the comment section. I agree, Jesus is our answer.
Blessings,
Maree
I think I judge myself harsher when I judge others. Great advice. Great post. Great stance for life.
Sheila, I don’t know about you, but I find it strange how judging others and myself are intertwined. Blessings, Maree
Wow it’s so easy to take a judgmental stance on “little” things. Thanks for sharing this. #TellHisStory
Kelly – Yes, a little will go a long way in learning to judge less. Thanks for stopping by. Maree
Great advice, Maree Dee! I often struggle with my judgmental attitude. Thank you for the actionable steps to stop that horrible voice in my head! Of course, I have often wanted to wear footy pajamas when I have to travel by airplane…just to see the reaction of the TSA workers…I’m weird that way ;).
Anita,
I would love to see you on the plane in footy pajamas.I wouldn’t think you to be weird I would consider you fun.
Maree
The first step is always learning to recognize the behavior, isn’t it? It is amazing how lazy we can get in our thought life and how much judgement and sin can fill our hearts without us even taking note of it. Thanks for the great tips!
Sarah — Yes, it is amazing how quickly it happens. I find when I am worn down it happens even faster. Thank you for stopping by. Maree
I love your posts about this silent issue. It’s so easy to judge someone else. It takes the focus off of our flaws. When we’re pointing everyone to look at how ________(silly, stupid, ridiculous, wrong) that other person is, we think we are protecting ourselves from that same scrutiny.
But God sees. He sees all of us. All the time. And if he can love me in all of my imperfection, he can certainly love the person I am quick to judge.
Thank you for the wise reminders today!
Becky – I couldn’t agree with you more about God loving us with all of our imperfections and how much God loves the person we are about to judge. Thank you for stopping by I love it when you do. Maree
Goodness, I totally would have been judgemental about the yellow pyjamas! It’s sobering to consider how we (umm, I) judge so easily—I love your practical steps to combat that ugly trait! How I long to see others through the loving eyes of Jesus! Thanks for sharing—stopping by from #FreshMarket Friday 🙂
Thank you for stopping by here. Yes, we all judge so easily. I was just glad I noticed it right away and was able to change it. That is not always the case, but with practice, I am getting better at being less judgmental.
Maree this is excellent! I really needed these perspectives. I’m putting that printable in my prayer notebook so I can remind myself of these things. I will be sharing this article on social. Thank you!
Leslie,
I am so glad you found this helpful. Thank you so much for sharing. Hope you are having an amazing weekend.
Maree
I love the idea, “assume everyone is doing the best they can.” Why not? It definitely could be true!
Thanks for sharing about the woman in the yellow footie pajamas … It made my day.
“You are so right it could be true that everyone is doing they best they can.” Thank you for adding that. Maree
Love the mental picture of the woman in the yellow footie pajamas. 🙂 This is such a good post, Maree. Love this phrase of yours: “Assume that everyone is doing the best they can.” — What a beautiful way for us to live. I hope I can be that kind of person, too. You’re so right, taking away the judgment helps us see the best in others. Great tips, Maree. Thanks for sharing! ((hug))
Brenda,
Thank you for stopping by, I love it when you do.
Just to clarify, I too am working on being non-judgmental and assuming that everyone is doing the best they can. I have not arrived. I do know when I apply it, my interactions with others go so much better.
Hope you have an amazing day!!
Maree
Love these tips! The example of the yellow footed pajamas made me laugh because I would have totally judged it.
I need to work this character flaw… I’m too judgementa even to myself.
I’m going to print this off and hang it up!
#HeartEncouragement
Julie,
I am so glad you loved the tips and the printout.
I too am judgmental on myself. I am trying hard to let go of perfection in myself. I never attain it so I am always thinking I should have done this to make it better instead of just being happy with what it is.
I guess we are all works in progress.
Thanks for stopping by, I love chatting with you on the blog.
Maree
Downloaded that printable with all the steps for a non-judgmental attitude. I fall into this trap all too often, and before I know it, these thoughts can even cause me to be ungracious in my actions too, spilling over into everything. Lately it seems that the theme in my life keeps swinging back around to “more grace, more grace”… a much better place to be! Visiting from #HeartEncouragement Thursday with Crystal 🙂
Christine, I am so glad you found the printable helpful. I am big on having a mantra, and I like your idea of “more grace, more grace.” I am going to borrow that phrase today and have it at the front of my mind. Thank you for the tip.
Blessings,
Maree
Sometimes when I’m riding with someone who complains and is stressed about other drivers, I’ll make up stories to help relieve the stress… “She just got her permit today and it’s her first time making a left turn” or whatever. It helps to give the benefit of the doubt! Thanks for your encouragement. 🙂
Barbie – I love that you make up stories to help relieve the stress. What a great idea. I am going to give that a try. It seems like that would lighten the stress and be kind of fun. Maree
Good article
Thank you!!