Since I have done my fair share of judging others, I was a little concerned when I arrived at Costco. What would others think? Would their judgments keep me from doing what was best for me?
I had been on both sides of judgment, and suddenly I was seeing it from a different perspective.
Judging others can be hurtful—not only to those being judged but also to those doing the judging.
I arrived early to make sure I could get a parking spot close to the entrance. Walking any distance was not a good plan. I only needed to make it inside, where the electric carts were parked.
Still, I wondered: Should I follow the doctor’s orders or push myself because I was afraid of what others might think?
Jumping out of my car, I looked like a healthy, capable woman. I was decked out in gym clothes with a fancy step counter attached to my wrist. I probably still glowed from a good workout.
Then I thought about how many times I had watched someone park in a handicapped space and wondered whether it was really necessary.
Have you ever done the same?
Now I was that woman. And this time, I understood better than ever that we have no idea what another person may be dealing with in their life.
Appearances don’t tell the whole story. #judgment #judgmental Share on XAppearances don’t tell the whole story.
At first glance, I may have looked like a prima donna riding her chariot through the store. But if someone had taken a closer look, they might have noticed the pain in my eyes or heard me wince with each step. The cartilage in my knee was gone, leaving bone rubbing against bone.
And if someone had taken the time to ask, they might have discovered that my pain went deeper than the physical discomfort.
I was struggling.
Not only had I injured my knee, but I feared losing one of the places where I found solace, rest, and God—a place I desperately needed to refuel for the journey He had me on.
Do you have a place like this?
You see, I love to ski and hike, and an unexpected ski accident made me wonder whether those activities might become a thing of the past. Being in nature clears my mind, gives me perspective, and renews my strength. I desperately wanted to build myself back up so I could return.
My step counter wasn’t there to push me toward a goal. It helped me recognize when it was time to rest.
I didn’t know how to navigate this new way of life. I was trying my best to embrace an unexpected life event, and that meant learning not to push when it hurt.
Rest didn’t come naturally to me. I was accustomed to pushing through difficulties, not slowing down.
So, as absurd as it may sound, I sat in that parking lot wondering whether my fear of being judged would get in the way of doing what was best for me.
That experience began changing the way I thought about judgment—both the judgments we make about others and the ones we fear from them.
Twelve Reasons Why Judging Others Can Be Problematic and Hurtful
1. We Rarely Know the Whole Story
How could we possibly know every detail of someone else’s life? What we see is only a small fraction of their story.
Our knowledge is limited. We may know nothing about their circumstances, struggles, or pain.
We rarely know the whole story behind another person’s actions. What we see is only a small fraction of their story. #judgment #judgmental Share on X2. It Creates Distance in Relationships
Do you want to pull in close for a heart-to-heart when you feel someone has already decided you are wrong?
Judgment can make it difficult to feel safe enough to be vulnerable with one another.
3. It Can Keep People from Doing What Is Best
When we fear judgment, we may pull back from doing what is in our best interest.
I almost did exactly that in the Costco parking lot.
4. We Fail to Accept People
When we focus on how we think someone should act, we can miss the chance to appreciate who they are.
5. Our Judgments Can Reveal Something About Us
Sometimes what bothers us most about another person can reveal our own expectations, insecurities, or struggles.
Before focusing entirely on someone else’s behavior, it may be worth asking, Why is this bothering me so much?
6. We Miss Out
When we continually look at others with a critical eye, we may miss out on some pretty amazing relationships.
7. It Can Increase Suffering
A person may already be carrying a burden we cannot see. Our judgment can add another layer of hurt to an already difficult situation.
8. Our Emotions Grow Bigger
When we continually focus on what we think is wrong with someone or a situation, frustration, anger, and resentment can grow.
9. It Is Exhausting
Constantly evaluating what everyone else is doing takes energy. Judgment can occupy our thoughts and steal our attention from what matters more.
10. It Can Distract Us from Our Own Goals
When we spend our time focused on what others are doing wrong, we have less energy to focus on the life God has given us.
11. Peace and Compassion Are Depleted
Judgment can crowd out compassion. When we loosen our grip on our assumptions about others, we make more room for grace and peace—for them and for ourselves.
Judgment can crowd out compassion. When we loosen our grip on our assumptions, we make more room for grace and peace. #judging #assumptions Share on X12. We Miss Our Own Imperfections
When our attention centers on others’ imperfections or sins, we can easily overlook our own.
Jesus spoke directly about this tendency:
“Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?”
Matthew 7:3 NIV
Of course, there are times when we need to use wisdom and discernment. A non-judgmental attitude doesn’t mean ignoring harmful behavior, abandoning healthy boundaries, or pretending that right and wrong don’t matter.
But there is a difference between using discernment and assuming we know another person’s motives or entire story.
There is a difference between using discernment and assuming we know another person’s heart, motives, or entire story. Share on XThat day at Costco reminded me how little we can know from outward appearances. We don’t know what another person carried into the store, the church, the workplace, or even our own home.
Perhaps that’s why Scripture continually draws us back to humility, mercy, and grace.
If you missed our last post in the series, be sure to read Are You Judgmental?
When has someone’s judgment of you reminded you that appearances don’t always tell the whole story?
Interestingly, the things/areas that we are so quick to judge others in are the things that we self-confident, or superior, in…..which only exposes the real flaw in passing judgment – pride. I do hope that your knee is completely recovered – maybe even back to skiing:)
Jennifer – You are right pride does get exposed when we pass judgment. Thank you for adding your wise thoughts here and for giving me something more to ponder.
As it turns out, my knee will never be recovered entirely. However, I am back skiing but at a different capacity.
Maree
Great post, Maree! I loved your point, “Appearances Do Not Tell the Entire Story.” My husband has been disabled for years with Bipolar Disorder. On the outside, he looks perfectly healthy!
I also loved your first point on why we shouldn’t judge – we’re usually wrong!
Jerralea, I bet he looks perfectly healthy to the world. We have no idea what others are going through, do we? It was my walk with family members with mental health challenges which got me to see how judging is so problematic. I am not sure if you are aware but I host a private group called – Embracing Faith and Mental Illness from a Caregivers Perspective. I would love to have you join us. Maree
Number 7 & 9 are especially true. I have to keep that in mind, writing His words and not mine, I know that critical and condemning spirit is hurtful.
I agree, judging others is exhausting and painful. Thank you for stopping by and sharing. I hope you have a great weekend. Blessings, Maree
So many great points here Maree! We are such a judging society! Thank you for these reminders.
Tweeted.
Thanks for linking up at InstaEncouragements!
Patsy, You are so right we are a judging society, and I am guilty too. It seems until we walk through similar things we don’t understand. Best to always give the benefit of the doubt. Thank you for stopping by and reading. Maree
Good morning, Maree! I am your neighbor at Christian Blogger Linkup #33 today. Your post hit home to me from both sides- I have wondered about people in wheelchair parking spots and I have needed the wheelchair. People who have never had daily pain do not understand. My favorite questions, from onlookers, are: 1) Why can’t you do ………..? 2) What is wrong with you? You look fine!
Isn’t God good to allow these moments in life, where we now become more sympathetic and less judgmental? Just when we feel like we are growing in grace, God shows us new areas we need to work on. I praise Him for His love and kindness!
Hi Neighbor, What you said is so true, until we have the pain we can not fully understand. If we could just keep this in mind, it would cut down on our judgments. That is so true about how God shows us new areas we need work. Sometimes that discourages me. I feel like I will never quite get it. Blessings, Maree
Maree, I’m thankful for your sound mind arguments against snap judgments. This is a real area of weakness for me. Your words have hit their mark.
Michele, You are not alone in making snap judgments. I think we all do it from time to time. Glad my words hit their mark. Maree
Hi, Maree. Judging others is certainly not a healthy practice for us to indulge in…and I think that is the key…stopping the indulgence and repenting at the first bit of judgement instead of allowing it to takeover our thoughts, which ends up turning into our outward behavior and actions. Every thought must be taken captive under the authority of Christ. Thanks for linking up with Grace and Truth.
Aimee – I agree, judging others is not a healthy practice. I know for me learning to recognize the judging right away helps me to stop. Maree
This is eye opening to so many of us. We know not to judge yet we tend to do it in a split second. You are right, it only causes pain!
Prayers sent for your healing!
Sarah,
You are so right we judge so quickly without even realizing it until it is too late.
Thank you for your prayers, I appreciate them. My accident was a few years ago, but I need always to be strengthening it.
Hope you have a great weekend,
Maree
Marcy, for a minute there I thought you were writing about me! I am that woman who has to use a scooter every day of her life. In fact, I’ve been using a scooter for over five years now and I still feel that uncomfortable feeling like I’m being judged. But no one knows that I have an incurable disease that is shutting down my lymphatic system and it has puffed me up to huge proportions all over my body so that I look fat. In reality this disease has left me with huge sections of my body that have congested tissue that is so hard and big I can no longer lug it around. I got it all cut off once to see if I could be better mobile, but the doctors damaged my lymphatic system even futher and so it spread to my arms and stomach (not just my legs) and my legs got bigger than they were before. It’s like carrying around 10 lb rock hard bowling balls on my legs and it has worn out my knees (I’m bone on bone in both). Still, I find myself in defense mode everytime I go out. I still haven’t got over that feeling that I have to explain myself to strangers. I never imagined that I would be using one of these things BEFORE my 88 year old father. Now that’s embarrassing! But if it’s taught me anything, it is to have compassion on everyone I meet because you do not know the burdens they carry.
Laura, First off thank you for sharing your story. I am so sorry that you have been given this cross to bear. It sounds painful and uncomfortable on many levels. You have reminded me in a big way that we have no idea the burdens someone carries.
As I send this, I am praying for you. That God blesses you today and every day,
I have no doubt God uses your pain for good. I am sure it has taught you compassion, and that compassion spill over to all of us in your writing. Thank you.
Blessings,
Maree
Maree,
That was an uncomfortable read. Thanks for sharing this powerful truth with us. Many times I recognize my judgements are wrong after I make them. The problem is compounded when I’ve shared my judgement out loud. I appreciate SO much your vulnerability and wisdom in this post.
Praying for God to touch your body, bringing health and wholeness. May you continue to allow Him to use every step in your life to bring glory to Him. I ask the Lord to increase the reach of your writing and the effects of your ministry.
~Sherry Stahl
xoxo
Sherry,
My heart is so touched by your prayer. Thank you!!! It was as if you knew exactly what I was praying for. I absolutely want to bring God glory through my ministry.
Oh, yes the problems are compounded when shared out loud.Sometimes as soon as they leave my mouth, I wish I could reach out and grab them. I find even thinking them is problematic for me. I am such a rule follower, and my husband is not so I can easily get caught up in judgments. I am a work in progress.
Praying for you too as I send this. I love your blog; your posts resonate with me.
Blessings,
Maree
Coming here has been such a soul filling time for me Maree Dee. You are a kindred spirit to my heart and I am grateful for your words, for your honesty and your reminder to love others as He does. Praying for your healing, peace, and redemption from pain.
Bless you!
Dawn
Dawn,
You have made my day by saying my website is soul-filling to you. That is what it is all about.
My ski accident was two years ago, so my knee is doing pretty good these days.It will never be 100% but I am back out there, and that fills my soul. I love meeting God on the mountain. Thank you for your prayers, Lord know I still need them. Praying for you as I send this back.
I am so glad to have connected with you online.
Blessings,
Maree
Excellent post! So glad I saw this on What Joy is mine! I have a friend who says,”that judgment is not my responsibility, so I leave it to God.” I love that wisdom. It can be a struggle. So thankful for your insights! Blessings, Misty
Misty,
I am glad you stopped by too. I look forward to visiting your site too. I love being able to make new friends online. I love what your friend says about leaving it to God. I couldn’t agree more. Now just to do it.
Blessings,
Maree
I understand that feeling of being judged. I write about it this week, too. I am a rule follower. Thanks for the perspective.😳
Me too, such a rule follower. It is a little fun to get out of the box once in awhile and break a rule here and there. Of course, nothing too wild or that hurts another. Maree
Your list is so true, Maree. I struggle with the sin of judgment, and your list reminds me why it’s so costly. Thank you for sharing this week at #graceandtruth.
Sarah – That is so true it is costly. Hope you are having a great weekend. Maree
Once again, you share your story so beautifully Maree. You have brought such a gentle and loving conviction to something God has been revealing in my heart. It is uncomfortably freeing and I am grateful for the revelation.
I struggle so much with judgement, and I realized it is completely wrapped in my desire to be enough. When others think and act and do life the way I do, it validates me. When they are different, well, that’s another story.
I’m thinking God is stirring up some words for me here 🙂
Thank you friend!
Becky – Thank you! I am so glad that I was able to lovingly bring something to light that God has been revealing in your heart. Your message did the same.
Every time I think I am doing pretty good in the area of judgments God shows me I still have lots of work to do. Together we can tackle this.
Maree
Oh my…. that was a tough one to read. This is one I struggle with all the time, and you made some really good points here. Thank you for speaking the truth! Definitely sharing this.
Kathryn, You are so welcome! Yes, the truth is we all struggle with this from time to time. I know I do. Maree
Thank you for sharing. I need to figure out how to get with and get a twitter account.
Thanks so much for these wonderful insights to applly to our lives today, Maree! I can relate & definitely appreciate them very much 😉
Bette — Thank you that means the world to me that you appreciate my posts. Maree
So much wisdom in this, Maree! Yes, I absolutely have at times not done things I should have for fear of judgement. I have also made assumptions as I’ve judged. Thanks for calling out this issue and clearly outlining what judging does!
I hear myself say that too many times. What will they think if I…….. Now I counter it with, “Oh, well God knows.” I too make assumptions and have to remind myself; I have no idea what is going on. Thank you for stopping by and continuing the conversation.
I love your profile pic, btw….just thought you should know. Carry on beautiful one!
Becky – You made my day. I feel like I am the only one out there without a picture of myself. I tend to be a rule-following kind of person so being different is not usually something I do. Maree
Nice
Amen to all of that. Perfect points, Maree. We need to feel safe in community, where our differences are appreciated and welcomed. It’s hard being human sometimes, isn’t it? I’m so sorry about your injury. Prayers that you’ll be back to your normal routines soon. ((Hug)) Thank you for sharing these insightful words with #ChasingCommunity today, Maree. ((xoxo))
Brenda – It is hard to be human. Today I do not like it.
It has been two years since my fall, and I am back at it. My knee is not 100%, and I have to adjust to skiing a different way. I have to rest in between runs and stay away from the moguls. I have had to work on my gratitude and be thankful I can get back out there even if it is different. It has been a journey of lessons.
FYI – I will always be in practice to not be judgmental. I do not have it mastered.
Blessings,
Maree