Do you despise receiving unsolicited criticism? It can be downright painful when someone speaks biting words to us. We tend to rise up against it. However, we have the power to gain something useful from it. Although, it all lies in using our best response to criticism.
What Is Your First Response to Criticism?
When we haven't asked for a critique, most likely, our first reply will be with words of defense. But what if we first paused and considered a few things. Click To TweetConsider the Source
Who is spewing the harsh words? What are they going through? Do they solely want me to feel their pain because it is unbearable?
What Do You Want?
My momma taught me before speaking, always ask yourself, ” What do you want, and how do you get it?” Will defending myself get me what I want? If it is the relationship that is most important, I must choose my response with care.
Why Do the Words Hurt?
Is there any truth in what we are hearing? Maybe a little introspect is needed.
A Recent Encounter
Recently, I received some harsh words from someone who was hurting. This person started spewing words at me, which cut to the core as he challenged me as a parent and a wife. I quickly considered the source and was able to respond with grace and firmness. I didn’t need to defend my role as a parent and a wife to him; it would have been a waste of precious time. He was hurting and lashing out any way he could to deflect from his problems.
God Can Use Who You Least Expect
However, the words did rattle me. No, this particular person hadn’t earned the right to speak into my life, nor did he have wisdom in this area. But still, maybe he had poked me in an area that needed some careful consideration.
My parenting and marriage do look different from the social norm. However, long ago, I learned that it could be okay if God’s behind it. I had no doubt our plan over the last two years had been God’s plan, not mine. Both my husband and I were confident in this.
However, I tend to hear from God and keep going way beyond His timeline. I get comfortable in my “new normal” and resist the thought of change.
Maybe it was time to reconsider our plan with God and seek some wise counsel. And believe it or not, this particular person who spoke a few random words from a place of NO knowledge has prompted me to consider some exciting changes in the new year.
What helps you use the best response to criticism? Click To Tweet
Our Featured Post
In today’s featured post, Laurie Hess offers a great deal of wisdom on our best response to criticism. You won’t want to miss her words. After all, we are bound to receive criticism when we least expect it. Be prepared in how you will respond. Who knows, you may end up with a tremendous blessing from it.
Now for Our Featured Post
Words Can Never Hurt Me and Other Lies From My Mother
By Laurie Hess
Click here to read our featured post.
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I like your “consider the source” point. Sometimes, the source is going through something we know nothing about— like your friend. Criticism can be tough to take, but even when the source is not right in the way they deliver it or they don’t have all their facts right, God can use it.
Tweeted & pinned.
Thanks for linking up at InstaEncouragements!
Patsy, Yes, God sure can use everything. Maree
Excellent advice! I’m also learning to pause and pray for the Holy Spirit to guide me before I open my mouth–words can make me so angry I can’t move on to the other steps until I’ve asked for calm.
Ah, you are a wise woman. Yes, we do need to pause and pray before we open our mouths. Thank you for adding to our conversation. Your words were helpful. Maree
I like the point you make about considering the source. It’s not what we say, but how we say it. Glad you were able to glean something from the criticism you received.
Yvonne, Thank you for stopping by. Maree
Criticism is never easy to take, no matter who it comes from. It usually opens a way to change and change and change is never easy. However, when God is behind the change then it will be blessed. I was always told to choose my words wisely and I still try to live by this motto. Thanks so much for sharing!
Angela, You have no idea how much I needed to hear your words this morning, ” when God is behind the change, then it will be blessed.” Of course, I know this, but seeing it and being reminded this morning was enormous. I am heading back to prayer right now. Thank you! I love the motto to choose our words wisely. Maree
This is exactly the kind of thing I’m consider on my blog–gaining insight into myself. Sometimes even people who know nothing about what I truly need can be God’s mouthpiece–pointing out some really important stuff I need to consider. I’m so glad that you stopped to do that, Maree Dee! You’re one wise woman and I really appreciate you sharing this here so vulnerably as well. Pinning and tweeting!
Beth – Thank you for your kind words. I loved your post I read earlier today. Yes, insight into ourselves can be so enlightening and sometimes a little painful. Maree
I recently had someone yell some criticism to me also. It was so disheartening. She didn’t even know me but was angry that I couldn’t let her break the rules at a Christmas giveaway. She was obviously strung out on something, so it was easier to cut her some slack. But still, I was bothered that my initial reaction was so defensive. Grace, Lord! You give it to me; let me give it to others.
Lisa, Yes, grace all the way around. Maree
Thank you Maree…
Bless you,
Jennifer
Right back at you. I hope you have a blessed weekend. Maree
Oh, facing criticism is so hard! No matter who it is from. But it is wise to consider the source and the consider the information!
Lauren – You are so right it is hard. Maree
Amazing how God uses anything and anyone – so what new changes??
Sue,
It never ceases to amaze me who and what He uses to get my attention. I am still working out the changes and seeking some wise counsel this week. Maree
It is so easy to bristle and respond in defense. But I could count on my hand the number of times I have changed anyone’s opinion with this strategy. Usually it re-inforces their opinion they already had about me. But if I think about their words. Mull them over for truth and then approach them when calm and humble, it is easier to state my case and for us to listen to one another. Which often leads to reconciliation and understanding. But boy is this hard. Especially when they hit on a sore point, or the same old point.
And like you said. Sometimes they are in a place of hurting and lashing out and mercy and grace is what they need. Not even a rebuttal to their words is necessary because we understand we are the closet dog to kick at the moment. Not that the words don’t hurt, but I need to let them go. Not hold on to them or carry them any longer than necessary.
Theresa,
You are so right, a defensive response rarely ever changes one’s opinion. Thank you for sharing that great point. Blessings, Maree
Your mother sounds very wise. Thanks for sharing her wisdom and for featuring Laurie’s post. Somehow I missed it last week. Heading over to check it out now.
Heather – Yes, my mom is wise. I think you will love Laurie’s post. Happy Saturday! Maree
Thank you for featuring my post from last week and for sharing your thoughts on how to deal with criticism. I love the verse from Proverbs you chose to go with your story. My mom used to remind me of that verse all the time. I guess I needed it! 🙂 You really did turn lemons into lemonade in this instance.
Laurie,
Your post helped me to see God was working. I didn’t put it all together until I read your post. My husband was present during the conversation I referred to, and it didn’t get under his skin. He let it roll right off.
I kept saying; I don’t know why I let this person get under my skin. But God was working in His mysterious way. I am super excited about the changes ahead.
Thank you for pointing me to see God was in it. Your post was great.
Maree
So much wisdom in what you are saying here. Many times when I am hurt or offended, it comes from a place that needs healing/changing from my perspective even when it comes from a source that has no right to insight such mean spirited words.
God sure works in mysterious ways, doesn’t He. Thank you for sharing. Maree
Thank you so much, Maree. As per usual, your post is so timely. I don’t always comment, but I am reading.
God has been kindly and repeatedly pressing me forward through His Word and I’ve been holding back in this one area because it’s taking me out of where He had put me. My black and white thinking is saying: “but but but, didn’t You say”….and He’s like: “and and and now I have disciplined you in that one area so you can step back into it WITH me, and not be so easily led astray anymore because I’ve been teaching you how to listen and wait and discern.”
So, your story here is so affirming…also because the harsh words of someone recently connect to this new God is commanding me to step into also (showing me how not going forward is what is keeping me enslaved).
These verses were in my Bible app today (for some reason I am getting two- one I see immediately but when I click to see it fully another appears)…I never noticed that WITH in the first verse below..He’s reminding me to keep in communication with Him so He can guide me out of danger and through the trauma triggers I don’t want to step back into (that are in the place He’s inviting me to step back into):
James 1:17 Complete Jewish Bible (CJB)
17 Every good act of giving and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father who made the heavenly lights; with him there is neither variation nor darkness caused by turning.
Everywhere—from east to west— praise the name of the Lord .
Psalms 113:3 NLT
Anna,
Thank you for sharing your journey. I loved reading your comments, and the verses you shared were what I needed to start my day. I loved your words, “but but but, didn’t you say.” It resonated with me.
Thank you for reading and comment today. I loved hearing from you.
Maree
Laurie’s thoughts are always an encouragement (and a challenge!) to me!
Michele – Yes, they are for me too. Maree
Thank you for sharing Laurie’s post and your own story. Criticism can be so painful, especially when it seems unjust. But it often has a grain of truth we need to consider. And whatever the other person’s motivation, we need to show the same grace God has shown us.
Barbara,
You are so right; there usually is a grain of truth we need to consider. Thank you for adding to our conversation. I always look forward to your comments. Maree