The dishwasher hummed in the background while I wiped the kitchen counter one more time. I fluffed the pillows, lit the candles, straightened the hand towels, and admired the vacuum lines stretching neatly across the carpet. Looking back, I can see I was chasing perfection long before I knew it had a name. Guests would arrive any minute, yet instead of feeling excited, I felt tense.
One thought kept running through my mind: What else have I forgotten? Have you ever felt that way?
No matter how much you accomplish, there always seems to be one more thing to fix, one more task to complete, or one more way you fall short.
Years ago, I didn’t realize I was chasing perfection. I thought I was striving for excellence. Looking back, I can see there was a big difference—and the pursuit was draining my energy, stealing my joy, and leaving me exhausted.
As Brené Brown wisely said:
That one question—What will they think?—quietly controlled far more of my life than I cared to admit.
When Looking Good Matters Too Much
Confession: I am a recovering perfectionist. Even writing those words feels a little risky because my car isn’t clean, and my pantry would never win an organization contest.
But years ago, looking like I had everything together mattered far more than it does today. During our early years at church, some friends convinced us to host a weekly Bible study in our home. Apparently, our house was considered the ideal meeting place. I should have been honored. Instead, I felt pressure.
I found a surprising amount of worth in what other people thought of me. Compliments about my home made me feel successful. Hearing that my children were well-behaved felt like validation that I was doing something right. And if enough people noticed, perhaps I could finally convince myself that I was doing a good job.
Each week became a mission to make everything look good. My family would probably tell you I blurred the line between excellence and perfection.
The Unexpected Mouse
One particular Bible study night is forever etched in my memory.
I came home from work in a hurry and immediately launched into preparation mode. Room by room, I checked items off my mental list.
Clean towels folded correctly. Music playing softly. Candles lit. The right lamps turned on. Vacuum lines visible in all the important places.
As the clock ticked down, random clutter disappeared into closets and drawers. Hospitality in my home had reached a level I would not recommend.
When appearances become more important than people, perfectionism begins stealing our joy. #ChasingPerfection Share on XAll I had left to do was finish the kitchen and send the kids upstairs.
Then I heard screaming.
“The dog! The dog!”
I turned around and saw our dog sprinting laps through the house with a live mouse attached to his face.
Not a toy mouse.
Not a dead mouse.
A very much alive, very much squirming mouse attached to his whiskers by a sticky trap.
Mayhem erupted.
I started screaming too.
This girl does not do dead mice, and she certainly does not do live mice.
One child immediately went into rescue mode and attempted to locate an aquarium so we could save the poor mouse. Another child convinced an army of rodents would soon invade her bedroom. To this day, I have no idea where my third child disappeared to.
Meanwhile, the dog continued racing through the house while the clock kept ticking, and guests would arrive any minute.
I raised my voice. Frustration spilled out in sharp words, and before long, I was fussing at everyone around me. None of it was in my “church voice.”
The Perfect Performance
Eventually, I managed to calm the chaos enough to survive.
One child was crying because we didn’t save the mouse. Another was crying because she thought more mice were coming. The dog was finally under control.
My heart was pounding.
Then the doorbell rang.
Moments earlier, I had been yelling. Two children were crying. A dog had been racing through the house. A mouse had been fighting for its life.
Then I opened the door.
“Hello! Come on in.”
I smiled as though everything was perfectly fine.
I greeted people warmly. invited them to sit down and acted as though my home was peaceful and my heart was calm.
Outwardly, I had pulled it off.
But inside, I felt exhausted.
I felt like a fake.
I felt like a failure.
All the joy had been sucked right out of the evening.
Perfectionism often teaches us how to look calm on the outside while feeling completely overwhelmed on the inside. #FaithJourney Share on XWhat God Was Trying to Show Me
Looking back, I realize I wasn’t really chasing a spotless, inviting home. I was chasing perfection, believing that if everything looked right on the outside, I would finally feel like enough on the inside.
I was chasing approval. Deep down, I wanted people to see me as capable, successful, and put together. More than anything, I longed for reassurance that I was enough.
The problem was that no amount of cleaning, performing, or striving could ever quiet the fear that I wasn’t.
The unexpected mouse exposed something I desperately needed to see.
When we spend our lives trying to maintain an image, we miss what matters most. Relationships suffer, joy slowly slips away, and before long, we find ourselves missing the freedom God offers through His grace.
Perfectionism promises acceptance but often leaves us feeling more anxious, more exhausted, and more disconnected than ever.
No amount of cleaning, performing, or striving can give us the worth that God has already freely given us through Christ. #GraceOverPerfection Share on XScripture reminds us:
God never asked us to be perfect wives, mothers, friends, or Christians. He invites us to walk closely with Him and trust Him even when life feels messy, imperfect, and completely unexpected.
In many ways, that mouse became an unexpected gift. It revealed the burden I had been carrying, exposed my need for approval, and reminded me that God’s grace shines brightest in our weakness—not in our perfection.
As Proverbs 29:25 says:
"The fear of man lays a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is safe."
The pursuit of perfection is exhausting because we are reaching for something we were never meant to attain.
Only God is perfect. And through Christ, we are already fully loved.
"To him who is able to keep you from stumbling and to present you before his glorious presence without fault and with great joy..."
(Jude 1:24, NIV)
Are You Chasing Perfection?
If you’re tired of trying to keep everything together, you’re not alone.
Perhaps you’ve spent years believing that if you worked harder, looked better, achieved more, or made fewer mistakes, you would finally feel like enough.
Friend, perfection is a moving target.
God offers something far better.
He offers grace.
Over the summer, we’ll take a deeper look at perfectionism, the myths we hold about it, and how we can begin to trade the exhausting pursuit of perfection for the freedom found in God’s grace.
Chasing perfection is exhausting because we’re pursuing something God never asked us to carry. His invitation is grace, not perfection. #EmbracingTheUnexpected Share on XGod never intended us to spend our lives chasing perfection. He invites us to rest in His love, trust His grace, and embrace the unexpected moments He uses to transform our hearts.
