Do you dig your heels in and resist change when it comes? Most of us do! But what if a change in your connections with others could be beneficial. Maybe creating open spaces in your relationships could be precisely what you need. However, it is imperative we understand what this means and how to go about it – God’s way; otherwise, it may create more pain.
Today we have the honor of hosting two guests on Embracing the Unexpected, Blythe Daniel and her mom Dr. Helen McIntosh. Together they will walk us through creating open spaces in your relationships. Click To Tweet
Blythe and Helen have recently released a beautiful book called “Mended.” I highly recommend reading it. Although it is written with mother and daughter relationships in mind, you will find great principles for restoring and maintaining ALL relationships. The book Mended left me knowing without a doubt; God wants us to restore our broken relationships.
Now on to hearing their wise words on creating open spaces in your relationships.
Creating Open Spaces in Your Relationships
Blythe Daniel and Dr. Helen McIntosh
There’s just something about a splash of warmth and color and the invitation to explore the open air when the winter clouds have rolled away. I think it’s one of the most beautiful ways to see God’s creation and how He prepares a new season just at the time we are craving something new. If only we could say the same about the seasons, we find ourselves in with others. We haven’t always seen our relationships as an opportunity for openness and breathing new air, have we?
Space and distance in some less than “blue-sky relationships” can often mean taking time apart or creating space to think about where things have drifted apart. Cloudy days can move into our hearts. Often the space we create apart from others brings further hurt unless we’re intentional with our words about why we’re taking some time to think about our responses or how to say the things we need to say.
This time of year when the summer air feels fresh, and we’re getting out into open spaces again, let’s intentionally explore the areas in our relationships. Breathing in deep where God calls us to inhale vulnerability and exhale words of forgiveness. It’s a refreshing in-out exchange of “I trust your heart, God” and “I forgive you” to the person who comes to mind when you think of the open spaces between you.
Changing the Air, Changing Relationships
A new season brings to mind this phrase: change is in the air. It also reflects the way we experience something new. And changes in relationships meet us when we aren’t always ready for it.
Naturally, many of us resist change with vigor!
We oppose it at the onset. But, what if we learned to embrace it with the belief that God is up to something good? At the very least we won’t have anxiety when we expect the unexpected!! It’s not trying to trick your thoughts into being “positive.”
It’s a choice we make – a mindful decision – to trust Him with our unexpected changes, relational challenges, and the things that hold us back from fully entering into exploring deeper with God.
Change itself is somewhat expected, but we need help to navigate it.
Can we ever get to the place where we are super prepared for the unexpected? I (Helen) have had a big dose of the “unexpected,” and I guess you have too. One principle that is involved in the unexpected ways we navigate life and relationships is this: what work we do in the light is there when we’re in the dark. This means that the good-filled changes we make and the way we acknowledge God in the easier terrain will show up when we’re in the thick of the rough patches.
If we are pressing in to pursue our relationship with God with the same kind of vigor we use to resist change in our lives, He will give us the ability and grace to bear any unexpected event or relational challenge. We may not understand it or like it. But He will provide us with what it takes to move through it well.
God Will Help
It’s a lot easier to talk about trials and an unexpected relational snag, financial or physical heartbreak than to be in it. Isn’t it? But God is watching us and helping us steer through it. We must look to Him rather than focus on the change. Are our words that we speak more about trying to get out of the unexpected or trying to see God in the cloudiness of it?
Many individuals who don’t have a relationship with God want to see how we as his followers handle trials. If they see us, then God will have His sufficiency over our trials. Our job is to let go. If we are seen unraveling at the unexpected – it’s not as good a story! We want others to want what we have – peace within. We need to be able to show that despite what is going on around us. And, we can live with an open heart and not put up barriers that keep others out while we are in difficulty.
Letting Go of Expectations
One of the principles we share in the book Mended that my daughter Blythe and I wrote is to let go of any expectations of people, relationships, and circumstances. Holding expectations (holding onto unmet expectations) is a relationship killer! Releasing expectations will give a breath of fresh air to us and those we live with or have been close with.
I (Blythe) live in a part of the country that has a lot of open spaces. Often you’ll see signs that will say “open spaces and trails.” It makes me think that if we changed the letters around and it said “open spaces and trials” how many of us would go down that path with others? Probably not many of us. But if the road helps us get closer to God who created the path we walk on anyway, would we tie our shoelaces tighter, take a deep breath, and begin the trip?
Mom and I like to think of open spaces as letting go of expectations and wanting to control the trials and areas between us. We want to be able to say, “God, where do I need to adjust my stance and sight so that I can see what you want me to see?” We can expect the unexpected! It’s the one and only expectation that’s healthy. It’s a good testing place for our hearts.
Forgiveness
We believe forgiving yourself, and others are the excellent starting ground for the open spaces in your heart. Forgiveness is not a feeling. It is a decision to release and let someone go who has caused you hurt or harm. It is not by our power, but through God’s, we won’t hold anything against them anymore.
In releasing unforgiveness, we can experience the wide-open spaces God has for us in relationships. And any expectations of a person who hasn’t come close to you allows you to live from a healed place of being able to say, “I will come to you.” Even if it’s not reciprocated, your heart can be settled because of where you have placed it – not onto another, but to God.
Prayer
Lord, I give You, again, my hidden expectations and any unexpected event, circumstance, relationship or situation that feels like it’s holding me captive. I long to trust You for these changes in my open spaces. Please give me the faith, sustainability, and grace I need today to take the path that I’m to take. I am firm in my declaration that the blood of Jesus Christ, His power, is applied to my heart, mind, and life. Thank you for giving this gift to me. I trust you for the changes I may experience. But most of all, the difference in my heart with you this day.
Are you struggling with creating open spaces in your relationships? Maybe you are stuck on an unmet expectation or choosing to forgive someone. Maree would love to pray for you this week. Click To Tweet
Blythe Daniel is a literary agent and marketer with 20 plus years of experience in publishing. She is a speaker for writer’s conferences and writer for publications. Blythe links bloggers with readers through BlogAbout. The daughter of Dr. Helen McIntosh, she lives in Colorado with her husband and three children.
Creating Open Spaces in Your Relationships (EdD, Counseling Psychology) is a counselor, speaker, educator, and author of Messages to Myself and Eric, Jose & The Peace Rug®. Her work has appeared in Guideposts, ParentLife, and HomeLife magazines. She resides in Georgia with her husband, Jim. They have two children and five grandchildren.
Blythe Daniel and Dr. Helen McIntosh are the authors of Mended: Restoring the Hearts of Mothers and Daughters. They can be found at www.ourmendedhearts.com.
You can also connect with them on social media: Blythe Daniel: Facebook and Instagram; Dr. Helen McIntosh: Facebook and Instagram.
Resource
Mended is a resource to help moms and daughters become emotionally healthy but can apply to other relationships. It takes effort to create life-giving relationships, and this book shows how to address things between you, how to take responsibility for your actions, and what you gain when you address your thoughts and feelings through words that bring connection.
It gives dozens of conversation starters, insights to understand each other and what you can do when you’re uncertain of what to say when there’s been distance and hurt between you. Click here to take you to a pdf you can print – “Seven Ways To Start a Conversation.”
Mended: Restoring the Hearts of Mothers and Daughters is available for purchase here.
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This book was so impactful, I immediately passed a copy on to a friend. Relationship is so crucial and yet can be so fraught with difficulty. Thanks for sharing the good work of that wise mother/daughter team.
What a great idea. I am going to pass on a book too. Maree
I got to be on the launch team for this book and loved being involved with these great ladies! laurensparks.net
I am right there with you. I too loved being involved and a part of Helen and Blythe’s launch team. Maree
Love this book Maree Dee! Pinned. Such a needy topic, and I don’t think I’ve ever seen it covered so well. Thanks for linking up at InstaEncouragements!
Patsy,
I guess I didn’t realize you had a link up. This was my first week to join you. I hope to join you again.
I agree Blythe and Helen did a marvelous job on their book. So full of helpful tools. Maree
GOing to have to place this on my list of books to read!
Yes, a great book to add to the list. I loved it and found it so helpful. Maree
Forgiveness is a topic that is near and dear to my heart, Helen and Blythe! So I’m letting your words of wisdom and conviction soak into my heart and mind. I may not have a mother-daughter relationship to heal (my mom died years ago), but I have many other relationships that require forgiveness–both from me and, hopefully, toward me. I also want to thank Maree Dee for sharing your words with us, as well as a shout out about the book! I’ll be pinning!
I too, am letting their words soak in. Forgiveness sure brings so much healing. Yes, I hate to admit it, but I need others to forgive me too.
Fyi: I loved their book. It is good for any relationships.
Thank you for stopping by. I love it when you add your words to the comments. Maree
Thank you for this guest post Maree, letting go of our expectations of each other in our relationships is so important for healing.
Bless you,
Jennifer
Jennifer, Yes, it is so important. Those darn expectations seem to always get in the way. Maree
Yes! Jehovah Rapha, the Lord who heals, can heal anything! Even relationships. I love this reminder to be vulnerable and forgiving…we all need that in every relationship.
Amen! I agree God can heal! Maree
This was tremendously helpful. Thank you. I was asking God to send me the help I needed, and He answered through this post.
I am so grateful!
Mary, I am so glad you found this article helpful. Thank you for sharing it. I love hearing about God answering our requests. Maree
What a great article!! I am dealing with the topic about expectations recently and I could not agree more with your instruction to let go of any expectations of people, relationships, and circumstances. Unfortunately I made the painful experience to see how holding onto unmet expectations has killed a relationship of mine. Expect the unexpected – this is another valuable takeaway!
Thank you!
Thank you for stopping by. I agree Helen and Blythe wrote some wise words. Yes, expectation can sure kill a relationship. I’m sorry that happened to you. Maree
I loved this: “Breathing in deep where God calls us to inhale vulnerability and exhale words of forgiveness.” There is good truth here because relationships require so much of both!
Rebecca – Yes, they sure do. Thank you for stopping by. Maree