As moms, being your spouse’s biggest cheerleader is essential to help your husband be the best dad possible. But what happens when you’re not sure how to go about it? Today on the blog, we have you covered. Our guest Lori Schumaker shares 11 ways to encourage and uplift your husband in his role as a father. Lori’s insight can help you boost your husband’s parenting success.
Lori Schumaker offers a beacon of hope at her website LoriSchumaker.com—unveiling a hope-filled life. Through her writing, Lori illuminates our paths and gives us the courage to live a more fulfilled life. She has a beautiful way of bringing our struggles to light, sprinkling them with hope, and showing us how to find solace in the arms of God.
How to Help Your Husband Be the Best Dad
by Lori Schumaker
I remember those first few dates.
There were the great conversations that went on for hours and his charming way of making me lose track of time and my surroundings. His humor was a little dry, but it would catch me off guard and make me laugh until my stomach hurt. And that squared-off jawline and chiseled good looks? Well, it was enough to make me want more.
A more that leads us right into marriage and all the for better and for worse that comes with it.
Preparing for marriage
We tried our best to prepare along the way. We talked through non-negotiables, dreams, and hopes for the future. I was confident that his intelligence, work ethic, and unbending moral compass would walk us right down the path to success.
But somehow, no matter how much we prepare and THINK we know, we can never fully grasp the magnitude of the moments yet to come.
For those who have been there, can I get an “Amen?”
We meet, date, and marry. We try our best to ensure we are on point in the areas of life that matter. Many seek premarital counseling or the wise counsel of those who have gone before us. Yet, secretly, we each subscribe at some level or another to the fantasy that says, “But we are different.”
Somethings we don’t grasp ahead of time.
There are just some things in life we can’t fully grasp until living it, though. And as much as I wish that weren’t true, I think it may just be a part of God’s master plan. Because if we did grasp it all right from the start, we would never encounter situations with misconceptions. We’d have control over our lives and essentially believe we don’t need a God who knows better.
And so, it is. Life goes down paths we never dreamed of walking and face circumstances we never dreamed of facing.
Like parenthood …
I know many of us dreamed of parenthood, and may this very moment be dreaming of the days when this precious gift will come to fruition. Yet, amidst this gift, we come face-to-face with two important truths.
- It will bring out the very best of who we are.
- It will bring out the very worst of who we are.
Two people uniquely wired by God, one carrying the child for nine months while undergoing significant life changes before the baby even comes. The other gets a better glimpse of the reality of parenthood the day the little one enters the world. Both want the best for this new little life God entrusted them, yet both come with different family backgrounds and unique coping mechanisms.
In those first few months of parenting, the reality of our differences becomes more obvious than ever before. And with that, the temptation to nag is nearly unbearable. Trust me … even for those who thought we would never nag!
So, when the romance fades and the challenges arise, how do we help our husbands be the best Dads they can be?
11 Ways to Encourage Your Husband to Be the Best Dad He Can Be
1. Let him do things differently than you.
Ask yourself if his different approach will change your child’s mental or physical health or safety. Does it go against a fundamental agreement you have determined together? If not, let it go.
2. Always appear united in front of the children.
Your husband needs to know (and so do you) that you have his back. If something needs discussing or rehashing, do it behind closed doors.
3. Speak with respect to your husband
Even when you don’t want to AND even when he may not deserve it. The old adage that two wrongs don’t make a right plays out here, and God honors the self-discipline of our tongues.
4. Pray for him.
We fight the biggest battles on our knees.
5. Pray with Him
If he isn’t comfortable praying out loud, do it for him. Start small and short but sincere. No side comments to God to make a point to your husband, just humble admission of a desire to have God be the cornerstone of your marriage and family. Your husband’s heart will be encouraged when he hears you praying for him.
6. Let the Holy Spirit do His work.
That jabbing, “Are you listening to this?” elbow during a sermon may only serve to put your spouse in defensive mode. Trust the Holy Spirit’s ability to convict and open hearts as He sees fit.
7. Have meaningful conversations after anger fades.
Pray, filter, then speak. Honest truths with “I-statements” instead of pointing fingers and “you-statements.”
8. Communicate Parenting Material
If he’s not an avid reader, find a way to communicate the material. You can read great parenting books to him or get the books on audio, so you can listen together (think time in the car).
9. Keep people in your lives who speak the truth and represent Christlike parenting well.
If you have life groups in your church, that is great. If not, seek out people and cultivate relationships.
10. Communicate your belief in him.
Let your husband know you believe in him and his ability to be an amazing father. Be his biggest fan and be willing to give patient reminders of how important he is in and to the lives of your children. It’s important to remember we all have different learning curves, and what comes naturally in parenting may not hold true for our spouse.
11. Approach issues from a God-point rather than a you-point.
Bring each one back to the heart of God. See where it aligns with Scripture. If the issue doesn’t align, it’s most likely a you-point and not always worthy of the frustration it is causing. But if it aligns with the Word of God, it’s a relevant issue we must address.
What Can You Do to Help Your Husband Be the Best Dad? Discover 11 ways to encourage your husband to be the best dad he can be. #husband #lorischumaker #encourage Click To TweetFriends, this list is not conclusive, nor will it solve every challenge you face. But with intentional effort in these areas, your marriage strengthens, and your husband steadily grows as a Father.
Which one of the eleven do you have mastered, and how has it helped your husband be the best dad? Is there one you would like to work on?
As a wife, adoptive, biological, and special needs mom, teacher, author, and speaker, Lori’s heart is to encourage others to live a hope-filled life through Christ. Wherever you find yourself today, through Lori’s freelance writing and her blog at www.LoriSchumaker.com, you can find tools to help you make sense of God’s love for you, strengthen your faith, and bravely learn to live a surrendered life. In her award-winning book, Surrendered Hearts, she weaves lessons of letting go, trusting, and living surrendered to Jesus through the telling of her family’s adoption story.
Lori has been featured on Christian websites, including iBelieve and Crosswalk. Her work can also be found in several devotional book compilations. You can connect with her on her website or through Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Pinterest, and YouTube.
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Maree and Lori, what a great post! As we prepare to launch our youngest in the fall, I am amazed and humbled at how quickly the years go. And it’s been in these past couple of years that Hubs and I have had to really talk through things regarding our sons. And, at times, we’ve had to agree that I would step back, and he would take the lead in certain situations. And I choose to support him, even when I don’t completely agree with the direction he’s taking. I think this is an important way to support our husbands as the head of our homes. To do this in a respectful way honors him and God.
Jeanne, Thank you for sharing your experience. I’m not always the best at stepping back regarding my husband leading. You have reminded me how important it is. I hope you are having a great summer preparing to launch your youngest off into the world. It is exciting and a little scary. Congrats to you and your husband. Blessings, Maree
I so agree that parenting can bring out the best and worst in us. I was taught many of these things early on, thankfully, in a church that had an emphasis on the family one month each year. I can’t say I have always practiced them well. . . I am thankful for God’s grace. One thought about parenting materials–my husband was never interested in reading or listening to such things. But I’d sometimes bring up a point for discussion–“I read this article the other day that said this . . . what do you think”
Thank you for adding the excellent way you would bring parenting suggestions to your husband—such a good idea. Mine won’t read anything about parenting, either. However, we have done some classes together. I hope you had a great weekend. Blessings, Maree
This is so beautiful, I kept amening every point! As women, we sure do partner with God in raising up our men to be the godly leaders of our homes. Thank you for sharing this wonderful post today … 🙏💕
Donna, You are so welcome. I’m glad you enjoyed Lori’s post. Thank you for endorsing her wise words. I hope you had a wonderful weekend. Maree
Great advice Lori!
Blessings, Jennifer
She always has such wise words. Blessings to you, Jennifer. Maree
So much good advice here, Lori! As my girls have gotten older, it’s been interesting to see how their relationship with their dad has grown, and how he can get through to them in areas that are harder for me simply because of who he is and his life experiences. God truly does know what He’s doing when He knits our families together, doesn’t He? 🙂
Lois – I am in complete agreement. God does know what he is doing. If only I had believed this in my early years of marriage and parenting. Maree
Lisa,
Thank you so much for visiting! I know that through the years, I have grown to love my husband even more for the wonderful ways in which he parents our children. Yet, we have had some of our most difficult moments over parenting. In the end, though, it is the most wonderful beautiful gift that makes us stronger and better if we just deep putting one foot in front of the other doing the next right thing ♥
Isn’t this the truth: Parenthood: 1. It will bring out the very best of who we are. 2. It will bring out the very worst of who we are. I’ve definitely seen that in my own life. Thanks for sharing these tips, Lori. They’re great not just for parenting but for any part of our relationship.
Lisa,
I agree motherhood sure does bring out the best and the worse. I just hope the best wins out. Thank you for stopping by.
Maree
Hi Theresa! It’s so good to see you here! Number 1 was a tough one for me at first, too. Once I caught myself, I immediately saw the difference. I just wish I would have figured it out sooner! lol!
Blessings to you!
Lori
Thank you, Maree, for giving me the honor of sharing here in your beautiful place of hope! I pray these words encourage and give hope!
Blessings to you!
Lori
Lori, On my it is such an honor to have you post here. Thank you for your willingness To share your wisdom over here on my site. Maree
Great ideas. I had to remind myself of number 1, especially when the kids where younger. Who cares how he fed the kid, as long as it got done? Yet these little things, like feeding, bathing, dressing, and bedtime routines can seem so important. Then I would remind myself that the kid was learning to adapt by learning to go to bed in different ways.
How I wish I had you attitude from the beginning. I made such a fuss about the girls dresses being put on backwards. My husband then pulled away because he could do it my way when his way was good. I finally realized it when I went away and they created this messy scary thing for Halloween. I walked in and all I heard we’re giggles and they couldn’t wait to show me what they had done.