What Is the Most Meaningful Truth When Holidays Hurt?

Are you trying to embrace this season and coming up short? Holidays can be full of joy, although they are often painful. What meaningful truth will you hold onto when holidays hurt? What will you do to get through them?

One year, I was on a tearful holiday quest to find the joy and block the pain. Are you there right now? Maybe my journey will help you. However, I warn you it won’t be a picture-perfect Facebook post. 

When It Is Hard to Find the Meaningful Truth

After a week of disruption full of unexpected circumstances, my daughter and I set out to travel a distance for a holiday celebration. We tend to talk nonstop and enjoy each other’s company. The entire drive, we had laughed a little, visited, and both tried to choke back the tears of another holiday gone awry. After all, our family of five shrunk to solely the two of us due to unforeseen circumstances. 

We knew ahead of time the hotel would NOT be our first choice. However, it was the only place in town that allowed dogs. So we braced ourselves for noisy barking and an old hotel. But we did not expect dingy and dirty or extra frustrations. 

As we unloaded our overpacked car full of gifts and dog stuff, we approached the elevator, and an extraordinary odor was seeping through the doors. I tried to pretend it smelled like crayons, although Marie was not buying it. Each time I pushed the fifth-floor button, I wondered if we would begin tumbling down or be stuck in this faulty elevator for days.

After a room change due to unspeakable grossness, keys that failed, and the extra lock somehow flipping over and locking us out – we settled in. At this point, I had no doubt my girl and I would continue trekking on and rising to the occasion as we had done many times before. However, it seemed it was getting more challenging by the minute and didn’t make sense.  

Circumstances We Didn’t Expect

We awakened in the morning just in time for the complimentary breakfast offered at our fine establishment. We rushed down the hallway as a chorus of dogs began barking. Our words were few.  

As I sat beside my daughter, I held back the tears of yet another holiday filled with pain. Although she is an adult –  I wanted to be strong for her. My momma’s instinct clicked in as I tried to shield and protect Marie from the pain, knowing full well it would only amount to a lot of pretending. 

 Yes, people are missing from our day, and quite honestly, a little bit of madness has entered our world over the last few weeks. The kind of madness that ushers in a steady flow of memories of holidays where expectations go unmet.

Have you ever noticed how the pain of the present ushers in the pain of the past?

Aren’t Mommas Supposed to Be an Example?

I sat there thinking of my pain, her pain, and everybody else’s and wondered,” Do I have to practice what I preach?” My most recent presentation, “Embracing Gratefulness in the Pain, was fresh in my mind.” Yikes, my words had been valid just a few days earlier. I  even gave examples of how it worked in my life.

Still, today, I wanted to hang on to the unfairness of our situation. I felt wronged. Do you ever do this?

However, I knew GOD had entrusted me to be an example, so I set out to muster up the strength to show her God’s goodness even in our circumstances. Plus, I want to be a person who lives by her words. But today, it felt impossible.  

I looked at Marie and replied, “Okay, You know we need to count our blessings. I know this stinks, but we have much to be thankful about.”

That’s a good mom move. Right?

Bursting out of  her mouth came a loud laugh, which said, “show me.”

Looking down at my beverage, I thought, I can do this; I will start with my drink. Nope, I couldn’t do it. After all, the only tea available was the one that would make me itch from my toes to my head due to allergies. Yes, I was drinking it.

The pain of all the yesterdays came flooding back into my present moment. So many holidays have gone awry over the last ten years, or maybe it was a lifetime of unexpected pain.  

Have you ever noticed how expectations seem to wreak havoc on the present moment? #expectations Click To Tweet

 

God – Where Is the Meaningful Truth?

Silently, I cried out to God, “Why couldn’t you have at least given us this one? Just a sliver of normalcy and joy for this particular holiday.”

The two of us had already fallen prey to social media where post after post, we only saw pictures of perfect holidays. The kind we yearn for but most likely will never attain. Do you submit yourself to this type of agony too? Click To Tweet

Comparing ourselves to picture-perfect social media posts will almost always result in disappointment. Not far behind that comes the questioning of whether God is Good.  

When You Can’t Count Your Blessings

Upon failing to count our blessings, we decided to change our approach. It is a method we had to search way back in the cobwebs to remember. It is called – “It could be worse.” We begin by naming everything that could be graver, which always leads us back to gratitude and God. We quickly recognize –

GOD is always Good even in the pain.  #painfulholidays #Godisgood Click To Tweet

The Truths About God

• • God is Always Good
  • He Never Leaves Us
  • We Can Always Trust Him
  • Jesus Understands Our Pain
  • Our Lord Loves Us
  • God Has Blessed Us Beyond Our Imagination
  • He Will Strengthen Us
  • Our Lord Will Equip Us
  • Jesus Is a Gift

Oh, I could go on and on with what I know about God. But today, I choose to focus on one meaningful truth – God is always good, even in the pain.

“What Click To Tweet

Before long, we are both laughing and once again naming the many blessings God has given us. They are there, but you have to look for them. One must choose to see them. 

Ten Tips to Help You in the Middle of an Unexpected Painful Season

1. Put God First Daily

Be on your knees and in your Bible without ceasing.

“Be stong and take heart all you who hope in the Lord.”

(Psalm 31:24 NIV)

2. Name the Truths About God

Pick one meaningful truth about God and focus on it. Please write it down. Post it up. Find a verse to go along with it.

3. Accept Your Circumstances

Repeat, “It is what it is.” Please do not waste another minute wishing it were different. When we hang to what we want it to be like, it doesn’t allow us to enjoy what we have. Let go of what you expected it to be

4. Know Your Priorities

Remember what is most important and keep those thoughts at the forefront of your mind. My mantra is “Relationships Matter the Most.” God gave us a gift to connect with others; let’s make it a priority over getting something accomplished.

5. Grieve Your Losses

Quit holding back the tears and trying to pretend it doesn’t hurt. Grieve the sadness you feel –  it is real. Mourn because when you do, it will allow you to release and begin to see what you have. 

6. Count Your Blessings

When we focus on being grateful, it brings a change in attitude. We begin to see God’s goodness and abundance of love around us. Gratitude will lead you into trusting God.

7. Recognize Two Things Can Be True at the Same Time

We are capable of feeling great joy and great sadness at the same time. One does not cancel the other out. Yes, it is sad someone is missing from the table, but we can also feel joy for those present.

8. Live in the Present Moment

We don’t have to live yesterday and tomorrow right now. Sometimes, the current minute will ache, but it is better to experience only one moment of pain rather than all the past and future suffering.

“Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” 
(Matthew 6:34 NIV)

9. Be Good to Yourself

When your holidays carry extra pain, do yourself a favor, slow down, and take care of yourself. Remember, no matter how hard you try, you can’t please everyone. No matter what, someone will be unhappy.

10. Draw Near to God

Allow God to comfort you. He is who you need the most.

On our last breakfast at our lovely hotel, we looked across the table at each other, smiled, and gave each other a high five. We had grieved together, named our blessings, and embraced all the goodness God had for us. We made it! No, it wasn’t what we wanted or expected, but goodness was wrapped around us.

Even in unexpected pain, we all can stand firm!!! God is our fortress! We may be wounded and hurting, but the truth shines through – GOD IS ALWAYS GOOD.

I don’t know what unexpected challenges you face now; however, I would love to pray for you. Our pain doesn’t need to be the same or spoken to find a connection. Please drop me an email or a note in the comments. We need God and his meaningful truths. We also need each other! Let’s partner together in prayer over the next few weeks.

Please don’t forget to share what meaningful truth you are holding on to this Christmas.

“I pray that the God who gives hope 

will fill you with much joy and peace 

while you trust in him. 

Then your hope will overflow by the 

power of the Holy Spirit.”

(Romans 15:13 ICB)

Wishing You A

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Embracing the Unexpected | Maree Dee

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