How to Stop Striving for Perfection and Find More Joy

Have you ever started out wanting to do your best, only to find yourself exhausted from trying to get everything just right?

I have.

For years, I thought striving for excellence was one of my strengths. After all, what could be wrong with working hard, following through, and giving my best effort? But somewhere along the way, my desire to do well kept crossing over into striving for perfection.

Instead of feeling good about what I accomplished, my thoughts focused on what I could have done better. I worried about disappointing others and spent endless hours on tasks that didn’t matter as much as the people right in front of me.

And no matter how hard I tried, it never felt like enough.

Maybe you know that feeling too.

Perfectionism promises that if we work a little harder, do a little more, and avoid making mistakes, we will finally feel satisfied. Instead, it often leaves us exhausted, disappointed, and missing out on the joy God has for us.

Perfectionism promises satisfaction. Instead, it leaves us exhausted, disappointed, and missing the joy God has for us. Sometimes “good enough” is exactly where freedom begins. #Perfectionism #Faith #ChristianWomen Share on X

In the first post in this series, Chasing Perfection: Is the Pursuit Draining Your Energy?, we looked at how easily the desire to do our best can turn into exhausting perfectionism. But recognizing what perfectionism is costing us is only the beginning. We also need to learn how to loosen its grip.

God never asked us to be perfect. He invites us to walk closely with Him, depend on His strength, and learn to recognize when our desire to do well has crossed over into unhealthy striving.

If you are tired of feeling as though nothing you do is ever quite good enough, perhaps it is time to learn how to stop striving for perfection and begin making room for more joy.

When You Can’t See the Problem

The signs were there. The people closest to me could see my perfectionism long before I was willing to recognize it.

God kept nudging me, but I wasn’t listening.

When Appearances Matter Too Much

One of those moments came during a Bible study my husband and I were hosting in our home.

The house was clean, my homework was completed, and we waited for our guests to arrive. When the doorbell rang, I took one last look to make sure everything was in its place and opened the door with my beautiful “hello.”

I couldn’t believe my eyes. The only couple standing on the doorstep were the ones I had deemed the “holiest of holy.” I wanted to back away and pretend I was sick—anything so my ignorance wouldn’t show.

The four of us plodded along slowly, going from question to question. I barely spoke for fear my answers might be wrong.

Then it happened.

Out of the blue, my husband announced, “I don’t know if I even believe in this God stuff.”

My eyes popped open, my mouth fell, and I hung on for dear life. It’s a wonder I didn’t fall out of my chair.

You have got to be kidding me. You did not just say that.

After all, we were the hosts—the “Christian people” who had opened our home to everyone. Weren’t we supposed to have our faith figured out?

But our “holy” friends didn’t skip a beat. They asked my husband questions and listened to what he had to say. Quite honestly, they didn’t care whether we looked the part or whether our home was clean. They loved Jesus, they cared about people, and they were ready to engage with my husband’s honest questions.

I wish I could say I learned the lesson right there on the spot. But my pride got in the way. I felt wounded and embarrassed.

Looking back, I can see what I couldn’t see then.

My husband’s heart was what mattered. Jesus was what mattered—not how I looked to others.

Sometimes perfectionism isn’t about doing things well—it’s about fearing what people might think. God invites us to care more about His approval than everyone else’s. #Perfectionism #IdentityInChrist Share on X

What Does Perfectionism Look Like for You?

Maybe your perfectionism looks different.

Perhaps you redo tasks that were already good enough. You avoid trying something new because you might fail. You struggle to rest when there is still work to be done. Or you say yes when you want to say no because you can’t stand the thought of disappointing someone.

For me, recognizing the problem didn’t happen all at once. God continued to open my eyes, little by little, until I began to see how much my striving was costing me—and how much I was missing along the way.

Martha and Mary

Then God caught my attention through the story of Martha and Mary as I read Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World by Joanna Weaver.

Martha was angry and wanted her sister, Mary, to help. Her frustration seemed reasonable to me. After all, there was work to be done, and Martha was the one doing it. But as I looked more closely at the passage, I began to see that all our doing and striving isn’t always what is best.

But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!” “Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.” 
(Luke 10:40-42) 

What Was My Striving Costing Me?

Like Martha, my heart and mind sincerely want to please God. However, somewhere along the way, my pursuit of excellence turned into a striving for perfection. This striving left me exhausted, disappointed, and frustrated. It seemed as though I could never do enough or be enough.

Have you ever felt this way?

Maybe you sincerely want to serve God well, care for the people you love, and follow through on your commitments. Yet somewhere along the way, the pressure builds, and no matter how much you accomplish, you notice what remains undone.

As I diligently worked through the book, poring over the words and lessons, I began to see my tendency toward perfectionism. But beyond seeing the problem, my eyes opened to what I was missing.

God had more in store – a better life filled with more joy.

God never asks us to choose between faithfulness and joy. Sometimes letting go of perfection is exactly what makes room for both. #Joy #ChristianLiving #Grace Share on X

With the help of some wonderful women in my small group, I started making some minor changes. Nothing too significant at first.

Then I felt the rug pulled right out from under me. As our family entered the world of mental illness, I quickly discovered there was no way to keep up the illusion of perfection.

When the Unexpected Visits

Mental health challenges are not neat and tidy, nor do symptoms arrive on a schedule that fits conveniently into our lives.

Being thrown into a world I never expected or understood, I quickly discovered that striving for perfection was impossible. Pretending life was perfect would only cause deeper pain for those I loved.

I had to accept the reality of what our family faced. And in that, it was necessary to admit my limitations and imperfections. The facade of having it all together would only keep the support we needed away.

Little by little, I began learning to let good enough be enough.

I Couldn’t Keep Doing It All

It was a matter of survival, not just for my sake but for my children, my marriage, my friendships, and the places where I served.

Making my children a priority wasn’t difficult. Like many moms, when your child is hurting, you do whatever it takes.

The struggle came when I realized I could no longer keep everything else up to the standards I had set for myself.

At first, I felt overwhelmed.

How would I honor my commitments? After all, I wasn’t a quitter.

How would I keep doing things to the standard everyone had grown accustomed to receiving?

I couldn’t.

The grief, worry, sadness, struggle, learning new skills, and caring for my family consumed my time and energy. My child was my priority.

Suddenly, whether I carved a watermelon into the perfect fruit bowl for a party didn’t seem quite so important.

I had limited time and energy, and I needed to learn how to preserve them for the people and responsibilities that mattered most.

We all have limited time and energy. The question isn’t whether we can do everything—it’s whether we’re spending ourselves on what matters most. #Priorities #Faith #Perfectionism Share on X

Why is it that sometimes it takes a real shake-up to show us where we need healing?

People Matter Most

It sounds simple, but perfectionism can cause us to forget. We spend our limited time and energy trying to meet impossible standards, keep up with everything we think we should be doing, and make sure nothing falls through the cracks.

Meanwhile, we may miss the people right in front of us.

When Life Changes What You Can Carry

Unexpected circumstances taught me that I had to preserve my strength for what mattered most. I couldn’t give my best effort to everything. I couldn’t keep doing things the way I had always done them. Some things needed to be done differently. Others needed to be left undone.

Maybe you are in a season where you don’t have the capacity you once had.

The way you used to do things may no longer be possible. Your responsibilities may have increased. Your energy may be limited. Life may have changed in ways you never expected.

We can’t go back and recapture the moments we missed.

But we can start today.

We can pay attention to what our striving is costing us and begin loosening our grip on impossible standards. As we ask God to show us what matters most, we can trust Him enough to leave some things undone.

Letting go of perfectionism doesn’t mean we stop caring or doing our best.

It means we stop allowing the pursuit of perfection to keep us from the life God has for us.

How To Stop Striving For Perfection

Recognizing perfectionism is one thing. Learning to live differently is another.

I wish I could tell you that once I saw my perfectionism, I stopped striving. I didn’t.

And please don’t turn letting go of perfectionism into one more thing you have to do perfectly.

Start small. Pay attention to where your striving shows up, invite God into the process, and practice making different choices.

Learn to Recognize Your Perfectionism

Perfectionism looks different for each of us.

Pay attention to the places where nothing you do ever seems quite good enough. Notice the thoughts, habits, and situations that trigger your striving.

Ask God to help you recognize when your desire to do your best has crossed over into unhealthy striving.

Admit Where You Struggle

Change begins when we are willing to acknowledge the truth.

If you aren’t sure whether perfectionism is a struggle for you, ask someone you trust. Give them permission to be honest about what they see.

Then bring what you discover to God.

We don’t have to hide our weaknesses from Him. He already knows where we struggle, and He meets us there with grace.

Practice Doing Some Things Imperfectly

This may feel uncomfortable at first.

Choose something small and intentionally let good enough be enough.

If you think china is necessary for an elegant dinner, try paper plates.

Send the email after reading it twice instead of ten times. Leave a minor task unfinished. Allow someone else to help, even if they won’t do it exactly the way you would.

Each small choice helps loosen perfectionism’s grip.

Take a Chance

Is there something you have always wanted to try but avoided because you might fail or wouldn’t be good at it?

Try it anyway.

Permit yourself to be a beginner. Learn something new. Make mistakes. Laugh at yourself when things don’t turn out as planned.

Failure doesn’t determine your worth, and neither does success.

Sometimes finding more joy begins when we stop demanding that we be good at everything we try.

Practice Gratitude

Perfectionism keeps our eyes focused on what is wrong, unfinished, or not quite good enough.

Gratitude helps us notice what is already good.

Consider starting a gratitude journal or simply naming three things each day for which you are thankful.

Gratitude won’t make every circumstance easy or erase the things that need our attention. But it can help us stop overlooking God’s goodness while we are busy focusing on everything that isn’t perfect.

Remember Where Your Worth Comes From

Perfectionism often tempts us to measure our worth by what we accomplish, how well we perform, or what other people think of us.

But our worth was never meant to rest on any of those things.

God’s love for us does not increase when we succeed or decrease when we fail.

You don’t have to earn what God has already freely given you.

Put Limits on Your Striving

Learn to recognize when enough is enough.

Before beginning a task, decide how much time and energy you are willing to give it. Set a timer if necessary. When the time is up, stop and ask yourself whether continuing will genuinely improve the outcome or whether perfectionism has taken over.

Sometimes we need practical boundaries to keep ourselves from slipping back into old patterns.

Then practice saying:

This is good enough for today.

Sometimes we don’t recognize perfectionism because it has become such a normal part of how we live. In the next post in this series, How to Spot Perfectionism: 10 Key Signs to Look For, we’ll look more closely at the signs that can help us recognize when our desire to do well has crossed over into unhealthy striving.

Let Good Enough Be Enough

It took unexpected circumstances for me to see that letting go of perfect was a better way to live.

Oh, don’t get me wrong. I still struggle with perfectionism. I will always be a work in progress. But now I recognize the warning signs sooner, and I know I have a choice.

I can keep striving for an impossible standard, or I can pause and ask God what matters most.

Perfectionism keeps us focused on what is unfinished, what could have been better, and where we failed to measure up. Along the way, we can miss the people in front of us, the goodness of God in the present moment, and the joy available to us right now.

Maybe today you need permission to leave something unfinished.

Perhaps you need to try something new without knowing whether you will succeed, ask someone for help, or stop working on something already good enough.

Start with one small choice.

Ask God, “Where am I striving for perfection when You are inviting me to trust You instead?”

Then listen.

You don’t have to change everything today.

Choose one place to loosen your grip on perfection and trust God with the rest.

As we learn to let good enough be enough, we make room for more peace, greater freedom, and the joy God has for us—even in the midst of the unexpected.

Letting good enough be enough isn’t settling. It’s trusting God more than our impossible standards. That’s where peace, freedom, and joy begin. #Grace #Perfectionism #ChristianWomen Share on X

Where is perfectionism stealing your joy today, and what is one small thing you can choose to do differently?