We tend to look at ourselves with a critical eye regarding motherhood, and we worry and fret about what we wish we could do over and fail to ponder what went well. With Mother’s Day upon us, let’s have a little fun and switch it up by looking at what we did right as mothers. However, to do this, we need to ask those who matter.
If you are not a mom, please don’t stop reading. Other women who step in to add value to a child’s life are rare these days and treasures. You can make a significant contribution to the lives of your friend’s children, grandchildren, nieces, and nephews. Plus, it will be fun to reflect on what your mom got right.
What Did We Do Right?
To find out how we made a positive impact, we must be brave enough to ask our children. It doesn’t matter their age; little ones have lots to say. And even if your kiddos are grown adults, this will prove helpful in moving forward and knowing what parenting gems to pass on to the next generation.
But first, let’s ponder what we think are the highlights of our parenting mission. Then we will compare what our children found valuable. Brace yourself—the information may differ but remember, this is all in fun.
Their answers might surprise you, and you might find a theme you want to carry forward. Plus, if you are not too keen on the information that shows up, it allows you to make some changes in the future. You can become the Mom you want them to remember.
Find Out What You Did Right (Or Your Mom)
Of course, there are rules to this activity. First, print out the following documents to be answered by the Mom and child. Age doesn’t matter in this activity. If someone can’t read, one can ask the questions aloud. However, it is essential not to look at each other’s answers or prompt one another with ideas. Remember, there is no wrong answer. Plus, it can be a keepsake for Mom.
What Did You Do Right as a Mother?
What Did Your Mom Do Right?
An Emerging Theme
Do you see a theme? Do the answers point to what you truly value?
We must be brave enough to ask our children, what did we get right as moms? Click over for a free printable to use on Mother's Day. Click To Tweet
Let me tell you, I have made plenty of mistakes over the years, and we can learn from each other. You can click here to read one of my colossal mistakes as a mom when I failed to listen to the voice inside warn me of danger. Despite my failures, I did get a few things right according to those that matter the most— my children.
The Results
Do you want to know what mattered most in my family and many of the other people I polled? Here is it—
In parenting, the relationship and quality time spent together was what mattered the most to children. Click To TweetFive Practices I Would Never Change
If I had a chance to go back in time, here is what I would keep the same from when they were just wee little ones
- Bedtime Devotions, Time, and Prayer—It was a ritual every night and each child had fifeteen minutes alone with Mom. We would read a devotion, pray, and share about their day. Sometimes our time took a twist, and we pretended to ride on a magic carpet. We went to enchanting places of their choice, which gave me a glimpse into their dreams and aspirations.
- Special Time—We made it a regular occurrence to have one on one time doing something special together. It could be as simple as a walk or a day at the beach.
- Dinner Time—Almost every night, we gathered for dinner as a family. We turned off our televisions, phones, and computers, leaving distractions to a minimum. Many times we lingered after dinner in long conversations that lasted for hours.
- Quiet Time—Once my children got beyond nap time, we implemented an hour of quiet time spent in their rooms alone. After all, moms need a rest, too. This time gave me time to rest and fill up my soul, so I was ready to give.
- Silly Fun—We loved to play and be silly together. One time our house flooded, leaving us with bare cement floors. We wasted no time making the most of our unexpected calamity as we brought the outside activity of skating inside. With lights vibrantly twirling upon the ceiling and walls from a disco ball, we glided across the floor to the beat of the music.
It Isn’t’ Too Late
One might say, “Well, those are nice ideas for little children, but mine are all grown up— how do you carry on or begin to create new foundations when they no longer live under our roof?” It’s possible, but you will need to be creative with the feedback. Maybe it starts with a consistent phone call once a week to catch up or a monthly lunch date.
The practices above built a foundation of trust and love over time that helped move us from a child/parent relationship to an enduring adult friendship. The connection methods changed, but what was underneath it remained steady—consistent contact and love.
What Always Stands Firm
Pouring into and maintaining a relationship with adult children is the most crucial part of parenting, not whether we agree or disagree on all matters. Click To TweetNo, it hasn’t always been clear sailing; of course, we hit our bumps along the way. After all, we, too, had to navigate the teenage years. And even now, in those times when I so desperately want them to do life my way, not theirs, I must remind myself what is most important—maintaining a relationship where we offer grace both ways.
When Our Answers Don’t Match
I wanted my children’s answers to match mine, and some did not. Yes, if I could go back in time, I would change some of the ways I mothered. So much of what I thought was important didn’t even show up on their lists.
If Going Back Was An Option
I would have—
- Been silly a heck of a lot more.
- Lived in the present moment more often.
- Kept a messier house. After all, they never even noticed my bed made up.
- Let go of perfection. Do you know not one of my children mentioned the watermelon I carved into a whale for their birthday parties? Or the fantastic decorations, which were all color-coordinated?
- Let go of having to do it all and built a bigger village. No child can have too many people to be loved by and to love.
- Made better “yes” decisions early on.
- Put a halt to comparing myself to other mothers and recognized I was good enough.
Because I would do a few things differently—it doesn’t take away from what I did right. Nor does it mean it is too late to implement some changes. It also reminded me not to let the things go that were so endearing to my children, like fun and adventure or spending time together.
We can’t let what we would have done differently rob us of what we did right. Nor think the past represents the future. It is never too late to implement some changes no matter our children’s age. Be creative and build on what was cherished.
God knew what he was doing when he chose you to be your child’s parent. So this Mother’s Day, will you join me and concentrate on what you did right? Build on the foundation already laid in place.
Please share in the comments what you did right as a parent. We can all learn from each other.
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Brilliantly freeing!
Of course, my tendency is to want to ask, “What did I do wrong?”
And this helps no one!
Michele,
You are not alone in going to What did I do wrong? You are right; it helps no one to dwell in that place. But of course, we can apologize for the wrong and move forward. Blessings, Maree
Maree,
I adore being a mama. With my youngest graduating this year, I’m struggling a lot this year. Thank you for this beautifully encouraging post.
Tammy
Tammy,
Oh, yes, the transitions can be hard. However, the next phases of motherhood can also be fantastic. Blessings, Maree
Marie … it’s never too late to go back, to ask for forgiveness, to make a fresh start. God is so merciful to allow us to renew relationships that need His tender touch.
You are right forgiveness can be offered at any time. I have seen some great relationships restored that many gave up on. What a time to celebrate when that happens. Happy Mother’s Day!
Maree
Maree, I haven’t made it much past the first revolution around the sun with Kylie, so she can’t speak yet, but I would like to think I’m loving her by making her laugh, giving her structure in her days, letting her play with friends and interact with others regularly, and being a loving wife to her Daddy. Aside from providing her basic needs of course. 😉
Katie, Oh, yes, I know you fabulously love her. Enjoy your little one. Happy Mother’s Day! Maree
Maree,
What a beautiful post that covered a lot of ground. And the comments! These ladies have taken me on a long journey through motherhood in just a few minutes. It’s all so true, the joy, the doubt, the discouragement. Thank you for making a place for us to enjoy being real, and receiving comfort. I just love it.
Ahh, thank you for the wonderful note. Oh, my goodness, I forgot to give my Mom the one I wrote out. I will have to mail it to her. Blessings, Maree
Maree, this was such a fun post to read. You did some really fun things with your children. 🙂 I would say one thing I did right as a mom is I talked and listened when my kids wanted to talk. I asked questions when they shared things, did things, tried to figure out things. My kids are older teens, and they both talk with me now. And I love being their confidant and one the people they they’ll share with
Jeanne,
I agree listening is one of the best things we can do as moms and sometimes one of the hardest things to do. That is wonderful that you have teens that want to talk to you. It says so much about who you are and what a great mom you are. Blessings, Maree
Love these thoughts for mothers. Glad we can still pour into our adult children. This is good: “In parenting the relationship and quality time spent together were what mattered the most to children.” Amen, Maree.
By the way, the last few weeks, I could not access your Friday post on my mobile. The first article at the top of the page is always from April 6. I can from my laptop, but not my iPhone. It may be something you need to trougleshoot. I know there are articles on how to make sure your blog is mobile-friendly. Just letting you know.
Karen,
I have to admit I love my relationships with my adult children. I treasure the fact that they still want quality time with me. It sometimes takes me by surprise.
Thank you for the information about my posts. I made some changes that obviously mixed up things. Hopefully, I have fixed it. I appreciate you letting me know.
Blessings,
Maree
Maree
Karen,
I have to admit I love my relationships with my adult children. I treasure the fact that they still want quality time with me. It sometimes takes me by surprise.
Thank you for the information about my posts. I made some changes that obviously mixed up things. Hopefully, I have fixed it. I appreciate you letting me know.
Blessings,
Maree
Lovely exercise Maree!
Over the years I have discussed this with my three adult daughters & three step daughters. One theme that came through was being a solid loving influence for the Lord in their lives.
Living my relationship with the Lord freely before them. So I’m delighted that was a theme that came up!
Bless you,
Jennifer
What a compliment for your daughters to see you as a solid, loving influence for the Lord. I can’t think of anything better. Blessings, Maree
I would have to think about this for a while to give a good answer. One change that I eventually made was to stop as much as possible comparing myself with other mothers. Someone will always be better or worse–we all have different strengths, weaknesses, and capacities. I used to live in fear of making mistakes in parenting until I realized–it’s going to happen, despite my best efforts. All I could do was seek God’s wisdom and grace to do His will every day and ask His forgiveness (and the kids’ when necessary) when I did mess up.
Barbara
Oh, yes, the comparing game is rough. I agree; someone always looks like they are doing a better job, and I can always find some mom making a mistake. It is so much better to be ourselves. I love that you leaned into God’s wisdom and grace. Thank you for sharing your wise words with us. Blessings, Maree
I just had a miserably long night with an uncomfortable, teething baby so these words are a soothing balm to my weary soul. I have had about 3 weeks of these nights since he had six(!!!) teeth come back to back at 7 months!! At one point last week, I felt I wasn’t doing things right. I was so tired, I was missing early hunger cues and wondering why he was crying during play time. I was more easily annoyed with my husband. I was impatient when my son took longer to take a nap. The list goes on. Words of affirmation is my top love language and so I asked my husband to list our ways I’m a good mom because I needed a reminder in written form to refer to on those hard days. A few days later, after a nursing session in his nursery, my son and I found post it notes all over the house with detailed ways I’m rocking it as a mom. I cried and cried. So in this early season of my baby not being able to tell me what I’m doing right, I’m glad my husband can.
Elena,
Oh, my goodness, you brought tears to my eyes. What a great idea to have our husband do this too. I love that you post-it notes all over the house. He sounds like a keeper. I hope the teething ends soon. Praying. Maree
I love these words of encouragement and these “games” that help us see that we were probably far better moms than we give ourselves credit for. I appreciated the one about looking at our own moms because I often had a turbulent relationship with my mom and I know she was struggling with her own issues. This helped me see that I do remember my mom quite fondly!! Thank you for this and thank you for linking up @worthbeyondrubies
Diane,
I am so glad to hear it helped you to see your mom fondly. Happy Mother’s Day! Maree
I love this post, Maree. Thank you for sharing these words of encouragement and wise counsel. Asking those that matter is a wonderful way to reflect and reassess. Definitely pinning this one! Visiting from Heart Encouragement.
Deborah, Thank you for your kind words and sharing. It was a fun activity to do with my mom and my adult children. Maree
This post is well timed with so many mums feeling overwhelmed and experiencing self doubt.
I have yet to ask my grown up boys the all important question. I really need to do it!
I would love to hear whether how it goes. I was a bit surprised by a few answers from my adult children. Happy Mother’s Day. Maree
I just love this post. It inspires me to do this with both of my budding adult children and then carry those things I did right into the next season – and pass them on as a grandmother when the time comes. Thank you so much, Maree for this refreshing perspective. I can relate to so many things in here!
I love the idea of passing it on to our grandchildren. I hadn’t thought of that since I don’t have any yet. But one day, I hope to have a few. Thank you for reading and sharing. Happy Mother’s Day! Maree
Yes to being silly more and letting go of some of those unrealistic expectations I had for myself.
Theresa – Yes, silly is excellent! Hope you have a wonderful Mother’s Day. Blessings, Maree
What a wonderful suggestion, Maree. I am going to try it with my 3 sons. I know we moms tend to beat ourselves up and there are definitely some things I would do differently if I had the chance to do them over, but I think the one of the best things I did for my sons was to instill in them the concept that every person is responsible for their own happiness – you can’t depend on someone else to make you happy. Joy comes from God and from within.
Laurie,
I love what you taught your boys. I hope you have fun doing the questions. We did them last year, and it was lots of fun and a little surprising.
Mareef
My three sons are all in their twenties and have flown the coop, Maree Dee. But I’m not sure they would be willing to play this game–at least not without a lot of groans! Lol! Maybe when they get into their thirties and are all parents themselves, they will wake up to the value of expressing these kinds of thoughts! But I love your own insights on your parenting as well. I’m sure there are lots of things I could have done better, but also I wasn’t too bad as a mom either! Lol! Thanks for this! I’ll be pinning and tweeting, my friend!
They might surprise you. Last year on Mothers Day we all answered the questions. It was fun. I even had guests who were not with their Mom’s who enjoyed it. Mine are in their 20’s too. We did it aloud. Thank you for sharing.
My son’s Aspergers was not diagnosed until he was in his 30’s, as it was not well known before the late 1990’s.
My son was a drop-out on drugs and alcohol for 13 years, until his 2 siblings learnt about Autism at teachers training college, and taught me what they had learnt.
From that point on I changed the way I interacted with that son, and it made a world of difference.
Soon he was back at university, gaining and first class honours and much later a doctorate.
How grateful I am that these days there are wonderful sites like yours where mothers can learn parenting skills to help their children, especially children who have disabilities or as in my case super-abilities!
“The relationship is the most important thing.”
Thankful our relationship has been excellent for many years now, and I agree, it is the MOST important thing, alongside believing in your “child” and constantly affirming him/her, and reminding them of all the good you see in them.
Mary, Thank you! Your words are filled with such encouragement. I appreciate them. Yes, we agree – “The relationship is the most important thing.” Thank you for reminding all of us we also need to communicate we believe in them and point out the good. Blessings, Maree
Yes, love is what matters most! Amen. Blessings to you, dear Maree.
Blessings to you too. Thank you for stopping by.
Maree Dee, Love the Mother’s Day questions. Always a blessing to pause and consider what we did right since we tend to linger on the wrong. Hope you have a wonderful day!
Yes, as Mom’s we sure can beat ourselves up. Hope you have a good day too. Blessings, Maree
Oh friend, this is so, so good. — And, I can just see y’all skating around the house, haha. How fun. 🙂 Not coming from a close family, I sometimes feel like I don’t know what a “good mother” is supposed to look like. I feel like I’m making it up as I go and praying for the best. I’ve made mistakes, for sure, but I pray the good outweighs the bad. One thing I think I get right, is having relationships with my kids. When they come in (wherever I happen to be, whether working, or on the porch…) I stop what I’m doing. They get my attention. (I have all boys, so you gotta be available when they want to talk, b/c they don’t always want to talk like girls do!) I hope that’s what they remember about my mothering..that I was available. And, I hope the Biblical legacy I leave for them is one of prayer. — Hope you have a wonderful Mother’s Day! ♥
Brenda, All boys. Yes, you do have to catch them when they want to talk or at least about deep things. I love that you can stop what you’re doing to be with your boys. It is so important to be available in relationships. I plan time together but struggle with the interruptions but I am getting much better at it. Happy Mother’s Day – I hope your day is spectacular. Blessings- Maree
OH yeah, kids will be honest. I need to ask my girls!
Sarah, I hope you do. I would love to know if it lined up with what you wanted them to say. Happy Mother’s Day! Maree
This will be an interesting exercise leading up to Mother’s Day! Thanks for sharing.
It was for me. It brought an array of feelings, and in the end, it was good. Maree
My mom was amazing! She raised 3 kids alone and we are all married and productive members of society. I can not imagine how hard it was for her. I only have one child and a great husband and yet I fall into bed each night so tired! But mothering an adopted child is not easy but by Gods grace we are doing great! #buildingcommunity
I agree your mom was amazing and I bet you are too. Happy Mother’s Day. Maree
Dinner time was also one of my favorite parts of childhood. I love that my parents made it a priority for all of us to sit down every night as a family and enjoy a meal together, something that is a huge help with growing closer together! Visiting from #MomentsofHope. 🙂
Emily, My family did the same growing up. It is funny as children we don’t usually realize the value. I can still remember what it felt like spinning the lazy susan on our table. Blessings, Maree
I love your encouragement, we moms NEED to learn to focus on the good instead of dwelling on the past mistakes ♥
Christa – Yes, I agree! Thank you for stopping by. Maree
What a beautiful post!!! It’s so easy for us to see the negative in parenting. We beat ourselves up over every tiny thing! I love your challenge to look for what we’ve done right! Thanks for sharing these encouraging words!!
Alisa,
Yes, it is so easy to go to the negative. I hope you have a wonderful Mother’s Day. Maree
These are great questions Marie, you went for a joyous Mother’s Day, but the Lord directed me into reaching hurting mothers. And i did write about perfect a couple of weeks ago, I haven’t given upon it, it just has to be God’s idea of perfect. Sharing to FB.
Hurting mothers is a good choice. We all need encouragement. Blessings, Maree
Thank you for sharing!
Maree, I have to be honest, I did not know what to expect when I clicked on the post and for a quick instance I wanted to click out when I saw you list of questions because it truly drew a fear in me. I fear I am not the mother I thought I would be. I been discouraged lately as a mother. I been in a mindset “I am just a mom” and with that I been drawing it out to not appreciate the mom I really am and truly want to be. I been working on appreciating all the small things and stop looking at the big picture I drew up myself that “I’m just a mom” but there is still a void I am asking the Lord to fill. I needed this more than you. Your list of what you would’ve have done brought me to tears and I am still crying as I am sitting here typing these words to you because truth is they don’t know if I made the bed, they just know I woke up happy to be with them. They don’t know if I made their birthday party to match a perfect theme, they just know I made a celebration just for them. Thank you for the reminder!
Carmen, You brought tears to my eyes. You are not alone we all question our worth as mothers. As we go along, we aren’t sure if we are getting it right. Then for me, my kids hit the adult years, and I panicked a bit. What did I miss? What were the lessons I should have taught and didn’t?
I too was a little afraid to ask the questions. Then when they wanted prompts, I knew I might be able to steer them the way I wanted the answers to turn out – to match mine. However, I refrained.
But in their responses, I found a theme that ran deep, and I heard God whisper I did okay. No, I didn’t do it perfectly, and a part of me still wished I had taught more about cooking, cleaning, and a few life skills.
However, I realized my kids know who I am and what is important to me even when I don’t get it right or don’t seem to have enough time.
Relationships are what matter to me, and I attain that through speaking my love language of quality time and spending one on one time with those I love.
Of course, I wondered why God wasn’t on their list, but just maybe it is because that too is a relationship. I plan to ask.
Thank you for your response. Praying you see the things you are doing right. The fact that you had music playing and the kids were dancing tells me you are doing okay. Hope you join them in a dance.
Blessings, Maree
Amen! You and I both would have taken more time to be silly! I must have done something right, though, because my daughters consider me one of their best friends 🙂
Anita, Yes, I would say you did quite a bit right. Happy Mother’s Day! Maree