It is inevitable at some point in our lifetimes we will all find ourselves grieving. Losses are part of our earthly world. How we process, our grief will be unique to each of us. However, we can each be a part of easing the pain of another by sharing what helps when we are grieving. Today, I will share the best thing I ever learned about grieving.
First, let me reveal a truth.
All Loss Is Significant and Worthy of Acknowledgment
We do not need to compare our pain as if one injury is more significant than another. When we get caught up in comparison, we slow down our healing. Plus, if we love one another their pain will matter to us. It does to Jesus.
I truly believe this but when it came time to sit down and write this series I began doubting my own words.
The year 2017 was a year filled with tremendous loss of life for those that are dear to me. Even though I wasn’t the parent who lost a child, the wife who lost her husband, or the child who lost their parent – I still grieved. These were people in my life I loved plus my heart hurt for my friends.
I mourned alongside them, on my own and I continue to grieve.
Questions swirled through my head. How could I even begin to talk about loss when mine somehow felt smaller or less significant compared to theirs?
We All Have Pain
Then I remembered back to a time when people began backing away from me because they measured their pain against mine. When their pain seemed smaller, they stayed silent. It took coaxing and communication on my part to get them to continue to share not only their pain but their joy. I wanted to know what hurt their hearts and what made their heart soar but most of all I didn’t want to be alone in life.
Losses come in many forms – death, divorce, chronic illness, an expectation not realized, and many more. All are significant and worthy of grieving. Click here to read a great article I found on explaining the different types of grief and loss.
We all have experienced significant loss and will continue to do so in our lifetime. We can’t avoid it even though we try. The good news is we don’t have to go through it alone; we have a God that will not leave us.
Many years ago, I found myself in a place where the losses mounted one on top of another It seemed impossible at first to go on with life when the sadness was so heavy. I felt as if I would never feel joy again and yet I felt a responsibility to others to find it. You can click here to read a little of my story, “Wishing Life Was Different.”
Are you in a place where you wonder if you will ever find joy again? Please let me share –
The Best Thing I Ever Learned About Grieving
Two Things Can Be True at the Same Time
We each possess the ability to experience two vastly different emotions, and one does not have to cancel the other out. At first, it seemed absurd one could apply this to grieving.
How could I feel joy when my loved one was in such pain, or away from home? It felt wrong, mean, and as if my loved one’s life didn’t matter. It can be the same with a death of a loved one. You may feel as if you are not honoring their memory or somehow forgetting them but you aren’t.
Embrace Life in the Midst of Grieving
At first, I was reluctant to try it. It felt fake, and the guilt crept in. It took a lot of work on my part to feel worthy of joy and happiness again.
There is a trick to this – we must make a choice.
Even in the middle of grief, we must choose “joy.” We must look for it and embrace it.
It won’t be easy, and it will take practice. Most likely you will need to announce it to those close to you, so others will feel free to do the same. If you want to read about a time I put this into practice click here.
Remember we can feel immense joy and profound sadness at the same time. It is natural, it is healthy, and it is good for us.
We all need a community to help us. Please share what helps you when you are grieving. Your best tip for grieving just might be what helps another.