What happens when you are not in control of your circumstances? Do you frantically start trying to dominate whatever you can? Maybe you dig your heels in and refuse to accept reality, thinking somehow this method will make a difference. Perhaps there is a better way.
After all, this grasping to be in charge may leave us angrier, stressed, and worried. Most likely, this desire to control won’t help to dissipate our fears nor bring us any long-lasting peace. Not to mention, we might be a little miserable to be around.
When life starts spinning out of our control, what happens to you? Do you start trying to command what you can?
Undoubtedly, life is unpredictable and far different from what we anticipate. At some point, we will find ourselves living smack dab in the midst of the unexpected.
Perhaps it is time to quit fighting the illusion of control, embrace our new normal, and surrender it all to God. #control #lettinggo #newnormal #surrender” Click To TweetWhat Is Under the Desire to Control?
First, we must determine what is underneath our need to control. It might be different for each of us. But three BIG culprits are fear, lack of trust, and refusal to accept reality.
What is beneath your need to control?
A Failed Attempt to Control
Like many of you, I have had my fair share of life’s unexpected circumstances. One of the most challenging parts was coming to terms with the fact that I had little control over other people and results. Have you ever been there when you believe you have the solution to someone’s problem, but you can’t control them?
I remember one night in particular. The stakes were high as a loved one of mine was slipping away down a path that felt like no return. Frantically, I consulted with top professionals, researched, and was ready to present an option that would surely turn everything around. After all, I even had evidence to prove it worked.
With urgency, desperation, and determination, I spewed words from my mouth with high intensity. Within seconds, it was clear my ideas were not well received. But I wouldn’t let this stop me; my fear was too intense.
We Can’t Control Other People
Seeing I was getting nowhere in the conversation, my next best strategy was to command this person to follow my plan. As I recognized my control was vastly limited, I became unglued, filled with fear and worry. The decibel of my voice began reaching an unbelievable level, and anyone nearby would surely question who needed help.
It was not my best moment and utterly ineffective. Somewhere along the way, I had elevated myself to a position only God could fill. After all, we only have one Savior, and I certainly was not Him.
Maybe I was disappointed in what God had allowed, or perhaps I had quit trusting Him with the plan. However, this experience left me recognizing without a shadow of a doubt that I needed to surrender it all back to God.
We are human, and many times, when we are disappointed in God’s timing or what He allows into our lives, we strike out on our own to take matters into our own hands. #lettinggo #control Click To TweetSarah – A Woman of Great Faith
In scripture, we read about Sarai (later named Sarah), a woman of great faith. She repeatedly demonstrated her faith by bravely and willingly trusting in God.
However, when faced with the disappointment of being barren, Sarai took things into her own hands. We see her choosing to dismiss God’s promise and fix things herself. You can read the fascinating story about Sarai here in Genesis 16.
Of course, stepping out ahead of God to take control will almost always lead to more pain. Thank goodness we have a loving and forgiving God. #lettinggo #control Click To TweetSo Sarai said to Abram, “The Lord has prevented me from having children. Go and sleep with my servant. Perhaps I can have children through her.” And Abram agreed with Sarai’s proposal. Genesis 16:2
We Are Not in Control
We must recognize that we never have complete control; it is only an illusion. Life can take a drastic twist at any point in time. Learning to let go of what we can’t control is crucial to living the life God wants for us.
Whether you struggle with control issues all of the time or only in specific situations, it is helpful to learn how to let go of control.
How to Let Go of Control
Surrender It All to God
Oh, this sounds so simple. However, in reality, it’s not. To surrender it all to God, we must trust the One ultimately in charge. Letting go will not be enough without complete faith in the Lord.
Why Would We Let God Have Control?
He Has it Anyway
God is sovereignly in control. When we choose to take matters into our own hands – it is only a myth that we are in charge.
“But the plans of the Lord stand firm forever, the purposes of his heart through all generations.” (Psalm 33:11 NIV)
Our Lord is Trustworthy
Never will you meet someone as trustworthy as our Lord. Start a list of all the ways God has come through in your life. Read the scripture about how God makes good on His promises.
“For the word of the Lord is right and true; He is faithful in all He does.” (Psalm 33:4 NIV)
God Will Never Leave Us
He has promised us over and over again – He will always be with us. We are never alone.
“Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.” (Isaiah 41:10 NLT)
He Knows the Plan
Our perspective is so small. We only see a sliver of the life He has for each of us. Nothing takes Him by surprise. Even God is not surprised by what is happening and has promised us he will bring good out of everything.
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” (Jeremiah 29:11 NIV)
Jesus Understands Our Trouble
Yes, we will have trouble here on earth. This place is not our home; we are only passing through.
“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33 NIV)
He Gives Us Peace
Even amid any trial, God’s peace can permeate our souls because we know He’s got us.
“And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:7)
More Tips to Help Us Let Go of Control
Embrace the New Normal
It is what it is! Quit fighting reality. We can’t will it to be a different way. Go ahead and roll with it and pull out all the good you can.
Share Feelings
We need to share with God first and then find a trusted friend. When life becomes unpredictable, we all need support. Sharing helps us process and release our burdens.
Be Present
We can’t let control rob us of the now. Sometimes, I am so wrapped up in trying to control my situation that I miss what is right in front of me. Take the time to experience the extraordinary moments in your everyday life.
Even in the midst of the unexpected, the present moment has a great deal to offer. We can take notice of the birds chirping, the smell of rain, children laughing, the sun shining, and so much more.
What have you noticed this week?
Focus on Helping Others
Put your focus on helping others, not controlling them. Choose to start from their perspective.
Count Your Blessings
An attitude of gratitude will do wonders for the soul and lessen the desire to be in charge. Make an effort to look for your blessings every day!
Control What We Can
Now, this may sound contradictory to everything above. However, when life is spinning, and fear rises, we must control what we can. We can concentrate on our attitude, get adequate sleep, exercise, etc. Of course, hold it loosely; we never quite have complete control.
Stop to Breathe
Maybe this sounds silly, but practicing deep breaths can do wonders. Please don’t take my word for it; instead, breathe in deep and slowly let it out.
When You Are Not in Control
We all will struggle with control from time to time. Right now, with the threat of illness surrounding all of us and our freedoms drastically limited, we may feel the urge to pull away from God and do things our way. Fight that tug, lean into God, and instead surrender it all to Him.
Are you struggling right now? I would love to pray for you.
Please share what helps when you find yourself—not in control.
What a great reminder that we are not in control, but we now Who is! I struggle with trying to control things when I am anxious because there is so much about my anxiety I feel I can’t control, so I grasp at whatever I think I can control instead. But I loved your suggestions. When I surrender my need to control along with my anxiety and current difficult circumstances, I am reminded that He is the one who carries me through and I can release the burden of trying to keep things together; too heavy a burden for any of us to carry!
Oh, Elena, You are not alone in your struggle. I, too many times, grasp at what I can control instead of resting in God’s goodness. I’m so glad you found the suggestions helpful. God is so good and will see us through anything and everything. So glad you stopped by.
Blessings,
Maree
I so related to this post, Maree! I do like the point you made about embracing the new normal, “pull out all the good you can.” We can’t change what happened. But if we are a believer and know God is with us, we know He has plans for us to get something out of our current situation, and there is surely good to be found.
I love your words. What helps me the most is knowing God has good plans even when I can’t see them. Thank you for adding to the discussion. I hope you have a great weekend. Maree
All wonderful tips! And perfect timing for me. I have a difficult situation where I needed to take action and I need trust God with it all. In the past, the situation could consume me, but God is continually teaching me to let go and to be present through all things.
Lynne, I love that you are learning to let go and be present. I keep striving to do the same. Praying for you as you take action and trust God with it all. Blessings, Maree
Lynn, You are so welcome. I, too, become easily distracted. I have been working hard on trying to keep my focus on Jesus. Thank you for stopping by. I hope you had a great weekend. Maree
I enjoy looking for the silver linings in situations. I am finding several right now in the midst of all that may be uncertain but there are still so many good things that God provides. I am so thankful that I am loved by God who is always faithful to supply our need and is always faithful to love us so powerfully! What a great reminder for us today that we are to always hold things loosely because ultimately it is God who is in control of everything….even this virus!! #totellhisstory linkup
I love looking for the silver lining and hearing how others are finding it. Thank you for sharing you have found several. I share in your joy at being loved by God. Maree
I love your tips here, Maree, to help us let go of the control we so tightly hold on to! We like control, but wowzers does everything seem so out of control right now!!! Thank you for this thought-provoking post!
Pinned.
Thank you for linking up at InstaEncouragements!
Patsy, I love the way you said, “but wowzers does everything seem so out of control right now!!” You brought a smile to my face. Maree
I am feeling that tug to try and control today, Maree Dee! So I really appreciate all that you’re saying and God is using it to soften my heart!
Also, I’ve often made the distinction that it’s not about just letting something go (like the catch Disney song!). It’s about letting it go to God! So I truly resonate with your encouragement on that as well! Pinning and tweeting, my friend!
Beth, Absolutely! We have to let God have it. Thank you for sharing. Maree
There are so many inspirational women’s stories in the Bible. I love how you use the story of Sarah to discuss the need to control. As a former school teacher and mother of 3, I found it was often my role to be in control. As I get older, I need to let go of that role more and more. It actually feels good now, but I struggled with it at first. Thanks for this post. It was very encouraging to me!
Laurie,
I am right there with you. At first, it was hard for me to let go of control as my children grew into adults. Now I love the feel of freedom.Thank you for sharing. Maree
Very timely. This is so hard sometimes, but the most important point you had is that God has control anyway. Any control we think we have is an illusion and only causes us stress until we learn to release. Great post
Lauren,
Yes, God is in control. Thank goodness. I hope you enjoy your weekend. Maree
Maree
These are reminders that I definitely need this week. I feel like so much is out of control. But that’s okay; I’m safe in God’s control. Thanks, Maree.
Lisa – Yes, so much is out of control. Praying for you to rest in God’s plan. Maree
I think most of us love feeling in control…and God is using this situation to show us that we aren’t really in control of the things we like to think we are!
I am a huge control freak. When I would feel out of control of something, I would start cleaning my house because that was something I can control. It made me feel calm to feel like I was in control of something.
Then, a few years ago, God called me to homeschool and through that I have started slowly releasing control to Him. Although, I still have my moments of panicked house cleaning!
I love what you say about Sarai because that is my daily prayer right now. Lord, please help me to not try to help your plan along!
It’s so comforting to release control to someone who knows the beginning from the end and who loves us with a love far greater than we can fathom!
Melissa,
I am so guilty of trying to help God’s plan along. I’m a lot like Sarai too. I see a problem, and I try to fix it instead of waiting for God to fix it.
Thank you for sharing your journey and experience. I love that you clean your house when trying to gain a little control. I am echoing your prayers tonight for both of us.
Blessings, Maree
Maree Dee, thank you so much for encouraging us. I especially loved how practical you were when you asked us specific questions to get us to think about just who is in control. It helped me to really think through how it relates to me specifically.
Sonya, I am so glad this post encouraged you. Thank you for taking the time to share with me. It is so important to remember God is in control. I mess this up many times without even realizing it. Blessings, Maree
Yes, Billy Graham also said that this earth is not our home. We are just passing through. Heavenly home is where we will be and it will be glorious. Focusing on the eternal perspective can make this life and it’s burdens and losses bearable.
How? I have been through many painful losses. My expensive material possessions that I love is gone as well as my furnitures and elegant pieces of artwork that I collected so long ago. So many things I lost and I don’t even have my own place. BUT, God is preparing a Heavenly home for me and all believers. No more suffering and deep anguish in this very troubled world. For God is preparing a wonderful place that will last forever. A city not built by human hands but my our Master Architect!!
Kalyani,
I am so sorry your losses have been so great. Yes, one day, all the suffering will be over. In the meantime, we must grab onto God. You are in my prayers. Stay well. Maree
Oh My!
I came across this post I wrote almost 4 years ago. How time flies so fast. The Lord has carried me through some rough waters and is still carrying me…scary though!! It is difficult to walk by faith and not by sight…
God has me alive all this time for ” such a time as this.” How I long to be in heaven!
I read an article on suffering..
“Suffering teaches us that this world is not our final home.
God employs suffering in our lives to produce in our hearts a deep longing for something much better, something to look forward to….a heavenly home .
He doesn’t want us getting too comfortable in this world. So He uses sufferings and hardships to make us long for heaven ..
Thank you for your wisdom. Oh, yes, how I long for heaven and pray God will use me in the meantime. You are so right; suffering teaches us so much. I am praying for blessings for you, my friend. Seeing your name pop up in the comments is always so good. Maree
God definitely opened my eyes to the fact that control is illusion anyway. We never had any real control. All we can control is our response to life and we do that best by trusting God! Excellent post!
Jennifer,
I love what you had to say. Yes, I agree our “response to life” is all we really have under our control. I sure do make a mess of it when I am not trusting God. Thank you for adding to our conversation. I hope you are having a great weekend. Maree
I find it strange that I ever thought I had control, ever. Not only in this time of crisis. What a good crisis does is remind me of that fact that was there all along. Great post, Maree!
I agree! We think we have control, but we never really do. Blessings to you. Praying for you to stay well. Maree
Thank you, Maree! Yes, surrender is by no means simple, and I have often struggled to let go of ‘control’. Thanks for encouraging us to trust the One who sees it all, knows it all and is over all. Praying for peace for us all as we let go and let God.
Carlie,
Surrender sure is not simple. I have to surrender continually, and many times it is what I already gave to God. Thank you for your prayers. Praying over you too right now. Maree
I really enjoyed this. I can relate to how it feels when you see someone making wrong decisions, and you desire to change them. Thank you for these great reminders that God is in control of all things!
Lyndsie,
I agree it is so hard to watch those we love making decisions that hurt them. Thank goodness, over time, I have found better approaches that are received in a better way. The best is surrendering it all to God. Thank you for leaving your thoughts. It is nice to know another person can relate. Maree