Maybe the person struggling with perfectionism is you—or someone you love. Either way, we can easily form inaccurate perceptions of what perfectionism looks like.
We might assume someone is controlling, critical, extremely confident, or simply someone with high standards. But what we see on the outside doesn’t always tell us what is happening on the inside.
If you read How to Spot Perfectionism: Key Signs to Look For, you may have recognized a few perfectionistic tendencies in yourself. Or maybe someone else came to mind.
Before we start pointing fingers—or beating ourselves up—let’s look at ten common myths about perfectionism and gain a better understanding of what it is and what it is not.
When Doing My Best Wasn’t Enough
For years, I thought I had high standards. I liked to do things well, especially when I was doing something for someone else or serving God.
But sometimes, doing my best went far beyond what was necessary.
I remember staying up nearly all night preparing Scripture pieces to give to others. Printing the verses and cutting them out wasn’t enough. I wanted the edges to have a beautiful design, so there I sat, carefully cutting each piece with decorative scissors.
And after all that effort, would you believe some of them came out crooked?
There was a time when I might have started over or kept trimming, trying to make each one look just right. But this time, I looked at those crooked edges and let them go. They weren’t perfect, but the words printed on them hadn’t changed. God’s truth was just as meaningful on a crooked piece of paper as it would have been on a perfectly cut one.
That may sound like a small victory, but for someone who has struggled with perfectionism, it wasn’t small at all. I was beginning to learn that doing something with excellence didn’t mean every detail had to be flawless.
Perfectionism can hide behind some wonderful qualities—hard work, attention to detail, creativity, generosity, and a desire to give our best.
Perfectionism can hide behind some wonderful qualities. The problem is knowing when to stop. #perfectionism Share on XOne Size Does Not Fit All
Struggles with perfectionism are unique to each person. Just like ice cream, perfectionism comes in all kinds of sizes and flavors.
Some of us may strive for perfection in nearly every area of life, while for others the struggle surfaces in certain places.
Perfectionism doesn’t always look polished either. We can have a messy house and still struggle with perfectionism. We can procrastinate because we’re afraid we won’t do something well enough.
So, let’s look at ten myths about perfectionism and what may actually be true instead.
10 Myths About Perfectionism
1. Perfectionists Will Try to Control Everyone
People who struggle with perfectionism may try to control their own lives, but that doesn’t necessarily mean they want to control yours.
Of course, perfectionism can spill over onto others, like when we believe there is only one right way to do something. But sometimes handing over the reins and allowing someone else to take charge can be a tremendous relief.
2. Perfectionists Believe They Are Superior or Perfect
Inside, someone struggling with perfectionism may not feel superior at all. We may continually compare ourselves to others and focus on where we come up short.
We can accomplish something wonderful and immediately notice what we could have done better. Instead of feeling perfect, we often feel as though we haven’t quite measured up.
3. All Perfectionists Are Neat and Tidy
Neat and tidy are not prerequisites for being a perfectionist. Of course, some of us want everything in its place, but many do not.
Perfectionism even contributes to procrastination. If we can’t do something the way we think we should, we may put it off altogether.
4. All Perfectionists Have Critical Spirits
Perfectionism can make us critical, and sometimes our high expectations affect the people around us.
However, many of us reserve our harshest criticism for ourselves. We may quickly offer grace to a friend who makes a mistake while replaying our own mistake for days.
5. Once a Perfectionist, Always a Perfectionist
This statement couldn’t be further from the truth. Change is possible, but it does take intention.
I still have perfectionistic tendencies that like to creep back in, especially when I’m tired, stressed, or working on something important to me. Now I’m more likely to recognize them.
We can learn to stop endlessly revising, risk making mistakes, and leave a crooked edge alone. And when old patterns return, we don’t have to demand that we overcome perfectionism perfectly either.
We don’t have to overcome perfectionism perfectly. God’s grace meets us in the process. God’s grace meets us in the process. #perfectionism Share on X6. Perfectionists Are Extremely Confident
Oh, we may appear confident on the outside, but inside we might be feeling quite the opposite.
Someone may look polished, prepared, and capable while wondering, “Was that good enough? “What will they think?
Sometimes all that preparation comes from fear of getting something wrong.
7. Accomplishments Come Easily to Perfectionists
Most likely, what looks easy from the outside wasn’t easy at all.
We don’t see the hours spent poring over details, checking and rechecking, revising, or second-guessing.
That’s one reason perfectionism can be so exhausting.
At some point, we have to decide something is finished.
8. Perfectionists Hold Others to the Same High Standards
While we may hold ourselves to standards that can’t possibly be attained, we don’t necessarily expect the same from everyone else.
My motto has often been, “If you’re in charge, do it your way, and it will be good enough.”
Of course, we do need to notice when our expectations put pressure on others. But we shouldn’t assume everyone who struggles with perfectionism expects everyone else to be perfect too.
9. Perfectionists Are Strong
People who struggle with perfectionism can certainly be strong and resilient. However, sometimes what looks like strength is our determination not ot let anyone see us struggle.
We may keep going, refuse to ask for help, or hide our mistakes.
Yet God never asks us to prove our strength by pretending we have no weaknesses. Jesus told Paul, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness” (2 Corinthians 12:9, NIV).
Sometimes real strength is admitting we can’t do everything perfectly—or by ourselves.
10. A Perfectionist Must Give Up Who They Are to Overcome It
This statement couldn’t be further from the truth.
People who struggle with perfectionism often have fantastic qualities: inner motivation, attention to detail, perseverance, creativity, and a strong work ethic.
We don’t have to lose the characteristics that make us who we are.
I didn’t have to stop caring about making those Scripture cards beautiful. I was learning that beauty didn’t have to mean perfect.
We aren’t learning to care less. We’re learning where to stop.
Overcoming perfectionism doesn’t mean caring less. It means learning where to stop. #perfectionism Share on XHigh Standards or Perfectionism
Reaching for our best is an excellent quality. But when we cross over into striving for perfection, we can miss what God has in mind for us.
Healthy striving allows room for mistakes and growth. Perfectionism can make mistakes feel like evidence that we aren’t good enough.
Perhaps the question isn’t simply, Do I have high standards? A better question might be, What happens inside me when I don’t meet them?
Do I learn and move forward? Or do I criticize myself, replay my mistakes, and feel as though I’ve failed?
Colossians 3:23–24 reminds us to work wholeheartedly for the Lord. But working wholeheartedly for God is not the same as working until everything is flawless.
Jesus isn’t asking us to prove our worth through our performance. What if, instead of thinking, “I have to get this perfect,” we began saying, “I want to honor God with what I have to give”?
God isn’t asking us to prove our worth through perfect performance. We can pursue excellence while leaving room for grace. #grace #perfectionism Share on XWe can pursue excellence while leaving room for grace.
Ponder With Me
Have you ever mistaken perfectionism for simply having high standards? Which of these myths have you believed about yourself or someone else?
Understanding perfectionism isn’t about making excuses or giving up our desire to do our best. It’s about recognizing what is driving our striving and learning when enough really is enough.
Maybe today our next step is as simple as noticing one crooked edge and deciding not to fix it.
It doesn’t have to be perfect. And neither do we.
I think that I have confused high standards with perfection. Others may see it as controlling or superiority but that isn’t true. We do feel like we’re not doing enough.
I’m right there with you. For years, I, too, confused high standards with perfectionism, so it feels wonderful to let that go. That said, it does still creep in from time to time.