Do you cover up your perfectionism with the mantra, “I’m just striving for excellence”?
I did.
Of course, there is nothing wrong with doing our best. God has given each of us gifts and abilities, and He calls us to use them well. But when we blur the lines between doing our best and trying to be perfect, our striving can begin to hurt us and sometimes the people we love.
The tricky part is that we may not even realize we have crossed the line. For years, I thought I was simply someone who liked to do my best. I wanted my home to look nice, my work to be done correctly, and the people around me to be happy.
What could be wrong with that?
Over time, though, I began to see clues that my desire for excellence might have crossed into perfectionism.
Can Perfectionism Hide Behind Striving for Excellence?
Throughout this series, we’ve been looking at the toll perfectionism can take on our lives. We began with Chasing Perfection: Is the Pursuit Draining Your Energy? and then explored How to Stop Striving for Perfection and Find More Joy.
But before we can recognize when perfectionism is creeping back into our lives, we need to know what to look for.
Sometimes, perfectionism is easy to spot. Other times, we disguise our striving with words such as responsible, hardworking, or excellent. One area where my perfectionist tendencies became impossible to ignore was entertaining.
When Perfectionism Steals the Joy
There was a time when inviting people into our home sent me straight into overdrive. I loved having people over, but you might not have known it by the time our guests arrived.
I would make a list of everything that needed to be done and then drive my entire family bonkers trying to complete it. The house had to be clean. Everything needed to be in its place. The food needed to be just right.
I even carved the fruit into shapes.
By the time the doorbell rang, I was exhausted. Instead of enjoying the people I had worked so hard to welcome into our home, I could hardly wait until everyone left so I could go to sleep.
Somewhere in all of my striving, I had lost the joy of having people over. I wasn’t simply doing my best anymore. I was striving for something I could never attain—perfection.
My pursuit left me empty and exhausted, feeling as if what I did was never quite good enough.
Maybe your perfectionism doesn’t show up when you entertain. Maybe it appears in your work, your parenting, your appearance, your ministry, or even your relationship with God.
So, how do we know when we have crossed the line from striving for excellence to striving for perfection? Here are ten key signs I’ve learned to look for in my own life.
10 Key Signs of Perfectionism to Look For
1. You Struggle to Enjoy the Moment
We become so focused on the goal that we can’t enjoy the journey. We focus on what still needs to be done rather than appreciating what is happening right in front of us.
Sometimes, one of the best ways to spot this sign is to look at the people around us. Are they enjoying themselves, or are they feeling the pressure of our expectations too?
If our pursuit of perfection is stealing our joy—or the joy of those we love—it may be time to ask whether our striving has gone too far. #perfectionism Share on X2. You Have a Keen Eye for Mistakes
We finish a project, and where do our eyes immediately go? To what we did wrong. We may have done ninety-nine things well, but the one mistake is all we can see.
I remember a time when I made a mistake, and someone said something that took me by surprise:
“I’m so glad you made a mistake. It makes you human.”
I was taken aback. I hadn’t realized I gave off the impression that I didn’t make mistakes. Perhaps I had worked so hard to cover them up that others only saw the carefully put-together version of me.
That comment made me wonder what my striving for perfection communicated to others.
3. You Keep Trying to Make It Better
Have you ever completed something well but found yourself going back to redo it again and again? There is always one more change to make. One more detail to fix. One more way to make it better.
Improving our work isn’t wrong. But perfectionism can convince us that nothing is ever truly finished. At some point, we have to learn to say, “This is good enough,” and move on.
4. You Are Highly Critical of Yourself
Perfectionism can leave us feeling as though we never quite measure up. Instead of acknowledging what we did well, we focus on where we fell short. We speak to ourselves in ways we would never speak to someone we love.
God’s grace reminds us that our worth doesn’t depend on getting everything right. # perfectionism Share on X5. You Procrastinate Because You Want to Get It Right
We often think of perfectionists as people who get everything done. But perfectionism can also lead to procrastination.
We struggle to start a project because we want everything to be precise. We spend enormous amounts of time planning exactly how we will do it instead of simply starting.
What if we get it wrong? Sometimes, the fear of not doing something perfectly keeps us from doing it at all.
There are times when we need to take the first step and trust God with what comes next.
6. Good Enough Is Never Enough
Perfectionism keeps moving the finish line. We tell ourselves, “Just one more change,” but one change leads to another and another. Eventually, we have to ask ourselves what our striving is costing us.
Is making something a little better worth missing time with our family? Is getting everything right worth losing our peace?
Sometimes, letting good enough be enough gives us the freedom to focus on what matters most. #perfectionism Share on X7. You Feel Inadequate as a Person
Being who God created us to be becomes difficult when we constantly look around at others and wish we could be more like them. We compare our weaknesses to someone else’s strengths. But God didn’t make a mistake when He created us.
“For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.”
(Ephesians 2:10, NIV)
We can learn from others without believing we need to become them.
Perfectionism tells us we aren’t enough. God invites us to become more fully the people He created us to be. #perfectionism Share on X8. Your Expectations Are Unreasonable
When we expect so much of ourselves that it becomes unreachable, we set ourselves up for disappointment.
We expect ourselves to do everything well. We want to be the perfect wife, mother, friend, employee, Christian, hostess—the list goes on and on.
Recognizing our limitations doesn’t mean we have failed. We were never meant to do everything perfectly. We need rest and help. Most of all, we need God.
9. You Are a People Pleaser
We all want to be liked, but people-pleasing becomes a problem when we go to great lengths to make everyone happy or become consumed with what others think of us.
What will they think? Did I disappoint them? Do they approve of me?
When we spend too much time worrying about how others see us, we can lose sight of the One whose opinion matters most.
We won’t please everyone. And we don’t have to.
Our calling is not to create a perfect image for others but to follow God faithfully. #perfectionism Share on X10. You Are Exhausted
Sometimes, one of the easiest ways to spot perfectionism is to pay attention to how tired we are.
We work harder, do more, and keep pushing. Somehow, we convince ourselves that we will rest when everything is done. But everything is never done.
When our striving leaves us too exhausted to enjoy the people and moments God has placed before us, we may need to ask whether we are pursuing excellence—or chasing perfection.
What to Do When You Spot Perfectionism
As I began to recognize these signs in my own life, I realized my desire to do my best wasn’t the problem. The problem came when my worth became tangled up in how well I performed, what others thought of me, or whether I could get everything just right.
Recognizing perfectionism doesn’t mean we need to become critical of ourselves for one more area where we fall short. Awareness allows us to make a different choice.
We can leave a task unfinished until tomorrow and allow good enough to be enough. We can make mistakes, admit our errors, and choose to be present with the people we love instead of striving to impress them.
Most of all, we can remember that God never asked us to prove our worth by how perfectly we perform. He knows our weaknesses and limitations and invites us to depend on Him.
The next time we feel that familiar pull to do more, fix more, or get every detail right, perhaps we can ask:
Am I doing my best, or am I striving for perfection?
Which sign of perfectionism do you recognize most in your life? This week, choose one area where perfectionism tends to show up and consider: What would change if I allowed good enough to be enough?
