Has the holiday frenzy started in your home? Are you scrambling to get it done—as if it all depends on you? Would you believe I will suggest you stop and look at how well you love yourself in the midst of chaos? Any chaos, not just the holiday craze.
Wait a minute, are you asking, isn’t loving yourself wrong?
Now I know the Bible is continuously teaching us to love others first. I completely agree with this teaching. However, if you are anything like me, sometimes we take it to an unhealthy extreme and need to adjust. We say “YES” when “NO” is the wiser answer. We let the needs of others trump our own too often, which leaves us unable to love God and others well.
Holidays are a prime time for abandoning good self-care.#selfcare #IntentionalChristmasLove Click To TweetHowever, this message is for any time of year.
Yesterday as I drove from one store to the next, I felt the annoying twitching of my eye. Then the overwhelming thoughts rising to the surface of, “How on earth will I get it all done by December 25th?” At the same time, I could feel a headache brewing underneath my hat. These are all too familiar signs of being out of balance and not showing enough love to myself amid the chaos.
What signs do you see when your self-care is below what is needed?
Is Self-Love Ever Wrong?
Self-love can be wrong when prideful, deceitful, and stuck on ourselves. The self-absorption type of love the world teaches is not the kind we want to practice.
Paying attention to our needs and wants will not make us evil, selfish people. When in balance, it will do quite the opposite. Click To TweetDo not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. Romans 12:2
Why is Loving Ourselves Important?
1. To Experience All of God’s Joy
Jesus came to give us life. Yes, that means you too. He wants us to enjoy every season, even the difficult ones. God promises joy mixed in with sorrow, challenges, and chaos. But only a few of us will find it. Loving yourself well in these times will help you find the happiness he intends for you.
2. Helps Us Love Others
Our ultimate goal is to love others well. The flight attendant on the airplane always instructs in some form, “If the oxygen mask drops from the overhead compartment, place yours over your mouth and nose before proceeding to help others.” Why? Because most likely, if we aren’t taking care of ourselves, we will be unable to help anyone else.
“Rest and self-care are so important. When you take time to replenish your spirit, it allows you to serve others from the overflow. You cannot serve from an empty vessel.”
— Eleanor Brown
3. Better Decision Making
We will make decisions based on love and compassion instead of guilt and obligation when we love ourselves. Caring for others will come with ease, not like a chore.
4. Modeling
We are modeling a healthy lifestyle for those around us. Jesus rested, too, so it must be important.
Warning Signs You’re Missing the Mark
There are a few warning signs you can look for if you aren’t sure whether you love yourself enough.
- Resentment: Are you having feelings of resentment toward those you love? Do you feel you are putting out more to help them succeed and never getting around to doing what you desire?
- Busyness: When we become so busy “doing,” we miss out on God’s best for us. Like when our calendars have no white space left. Ask yourself – Do you have room left for the plans of God?
- Laughing aloud is a distant memory.
- Time with Friends is rare.
- When you’re plagued with sleep deprivation, low energy, no emotional support, lack companionship, or find peace non-existence.
- You can’t remember the last time you did something fun.
If you see a few warning signs, this would be an excellent time to re-examine your love for yourself and see if you are out of balance.
Why Do We Find Self-Care so Tricky?
Sometimes we are just wired that way. However, it often has to do with the unrealistic expectations we have set for ourselves. We expect others to jump in and help, and when they don’t offer, we suddenly run out of time for what is essential.
One of the biggest reasons we don’t love ourselves well is because it feels so darn selfish. We judge our wants and needs harshly as if they don’t matter. We go about mixing up God’s command to love others as if we are not to take care of ourselves. Yes, God does want us to love others but don’t be too quick to forget he also rested on the seventh day.
But a very troubling reason is when “Doing” is where we find our worth. We must cease striving and know we are loved and valued by God.
Maybe you have unique circumstances in your home and are thinking, No way can I find any time for me. Be careful on this path, whether it is a season or a person whose needs are high. If you continue not taking care of yourself, you may resent the person or, worse off, burn out, and they need you.
Remember, You are important too!
How to Love Yourself Well in the Midst of Chaos
Loving yourself well is going to look, feel, and be different for everyone. However, there are certain universal principles. Click To Tweet
Our lists will look different, but when I balance my love for God, myself, and others, this is what one would see on an ideal week. My day will start with quiet time with God, and my week will include time set aside for fellowship with friends and family. A look at my calendar, and you will see space set aside for things that bring me joy and happiness. And, of course, I would fill it with smiles and laughter.
When we replenish ourselves –
We are ready, willing, and able to love others the way God wants us to.
It is possible to love yourself well amid chaos. Look for the signs when you aren’t balanced and make some changes. Start with something small and see for yourself the benefits. As we pull towards God and love ourselves the way He intended, we will be better equipped to handle whatever comes our way tomorrow.
However, don’t for a minute think I have this wired. I am a work in progress.
What tips can you share with all of us on how you love yourself in the midst of chaos?#selfcare #IntentionalChristmasLove Click To Tweet
Intentional Christmas Love
Maree,
I can be the Queen of unrealistic expectations and thus, I get the same annoying eye twitch this time of year. I liked your analogy of the oxygen mask – I need to make sure I’ve taken care of myself in order to be able to take care of others in this, or any, season. Good self care is not selfish, it’s necessary. Why we think we can run on empty and enjoy this season, I’ll never know. Trying to be intentional in each day of Advent.
Blessings,
Bev xx
Bev, You made me smile and reevaluate the holiday season when you said, “Why we think we can run on empty and enjoy this season, I’ll never know.” Those darn expectations seem to get in the way. Thank you for adding your voice to this crucial topic.
You helped me decide for tomorrow what is a priority. I am hitting the slopes. I am getting out of bed to pull my helmet out and charge it up so I can listen to music while I ski. It is my outlet and self-care. Thank you.
Maree
Loved your post. It was my favorite this past week at the #LMMLinkup. Thanks for joining us and your continued support.
Mary – Wow! What an honor to be chosen. Thank you! I love participating in your link-up each week. Maree
I always turn to Matthew 19:19–Jesus tells us to love our neighbor as ourselves–if we don’t take time to love ourselves, we won’t take time to love others, either.
Amen Anita! You nailed it with interrupting this verse. Thank you! Maree
Such a great post and so very timely for me these last couple of weeks!
Thank you Maree.
Julia – You are so welcome! Sending prayers for you as I hit reply. Maree
Thanks, Maree. It’s true that EVERYONE benefits when we’re operating from a full tank in all our giving.
Yes, now the hard part to keep our tank full. Maree
This is great. I am so glad to find your post and blog via the link up today. I will be following!
Susan – Thank you! I am so glad you will be joining us. Maree
Thank you for the excellent post. There is a difference between prideful self love and holy self confidence. One glorifies self, the other glorifies God.
Laurie, I love what you said, “There is a difference between prideful self-love and holy self-confidence. One glorifies self; the other glorifies God.” I am going to have to write that one down and pin it up. Thank you! Maree
So much wisdom here. We shouldn’t make self-care an idol, but we do need to care for ourselves so we can care for others. Thank you for sharing at Friday Fellowship! I hope you come back again this week! 🙂
Julie – Thank you! I will visit again. Maree
This is such an important topic, and one that has been debated much. Usually I find people are very one-sided on the issue (it’s either good or bad), but I love your balanced view point!
Heather, Yes, I struggle with the balance part. I tend to put myself last. It has taken work for me to realize God wants me to take care of me too. Maree
Maree, I just love this! As women, it is in our nature to put ourselves last and even neglect our own needs and wants. Your description of healthy and unhealthy self-love is an important marker for balance. I especially like this – We will make decisions based on love and compassion instead of guilt and obligation when we love ourselves too. Caring for others will come with ease, not like a chore. Guilt and obligation sometimes have the last word, and I appreciate this call to honor our created and valued self in the midst of doing to same for others. Merry Christmas, friend!
Crystal, Thank you for your encouraging comment. I love hearing from you especially when something speaks to your heart. Merry Christmas to You! Maree
Maree, there is much wisdom in this post. As we take care of ourselves, we will be drawn closer to the Lord and able to serve and love on others better. So important to do all year long, but especially in this busiest of seasons. Blessings!
Joanne, Yes, it is especially hard to take good care of ourselves during this busy season. I hope you are taking good care of yourself. I am trying each day to do something good for me. Maree
I really enjoyed this. I completely agree with you. It seems when I find myself becoming overwhelmed or stressed, I find that it is because I have not been spending enough rest time with the Lord. Thank you so much for sharing.
Angela, Thank you! I am glad you enjoyed it. Oh, you nailed it for me tonight. I have not spent enough time with God today. Blessings, Maree
Excellent, Maree – especially like the list of warning signs. I’ve decided to stay in my pj’s all day and wrap. I think that counts! (:
Absolutely staying in your pj’s all day counts as long as you enjoy wrapping. It is not my favorite thing to do. I hope you got lots done. Blessings, Maree
Thank you for all the wisdom wrapped up in this post. It’s so easy to neglect self-care, but such an immensely important thing for us to do so that we can keep going with the callings God has given us. I love the insight you have given us here!
Leslie, I have to tell you I am struggling a bit with self-care myself this week. It is difficult to maintain self-care during the holidays. However, I took time yesterday with friends and it filled my cup. I do hope you will take a little time for you this week. Blessings, Maree
Maree, this is spot on. Love our wise advice.
Theresa, Thank you for your encouragement. Maree