When Joy Feels Wrong in the Midst of the Unexpected

Do you struggle to allow yourself joy when those around you suffer profoundly? You are not alone; this challenge is a common occurrence. Maybe their struggle is so intense that it feels inappropriate to show or experience happiness. Yet, when joy feels wrong in the midst of the unexpected, it is crucial to recognize that feelings are not facts.

When Someone You Love is Hurting

As a mother, I vividly recall the inner conflict I felt about permitting happiness to enter my day amidst my child’s pain. The weight of her suffering made me hesitate to embrace joy as if her pain dictated my emotional state. After all, if I couldn’t kiss away her, what gave me the right to experience joy? 

Many of us desire to share in the pain when a loved one is hurting. However, sometimes, we take this sentiment beyond logic. #unexpected #pain Click To Tweet

Perhaps you can relate to your mother saying, “When you hurt, I hurt too.” I thought the comment was absurd as a child, though I now understand the depth and truth of the statement. 

Watching my beautiful child suffer from mental illness robbed both of us of joy for a time and made me feel guilty for even considering happiness. The mere thought of smiling, laughing, or enjoying life felt cruel and taboo when she was void of these emotions. I pushed away with all my might feelings of joy with determination, believing it was the right thing to do in the midst of my loved one’s pain.

Smiling, laughing, and reveling in life can feel almost taboo when someone we love lacks such emotions. #joy #happiness #unexpected Click To Tweet

The Joy of the Lord

Yet, I soon realized that trying to keep God’s joy at bay was impossible. I needed the joy of the Lord to strengthen me.

However, Happiness Felt Different

It felt right and within my control to ignore happiness. After all, I didn’t feel entitled to enjoy the little things in life, which made me smile.

Frequently, I would ask myself, “What kind of mom enjoys life when her child is suffering?” It didn’t seem right. However, later on this journey, I began to understand that an extraordinary mother finds happiness for the sake of her child.

Fight the Urge to Block Those Feelings of Joy

When joy feels wrong, fight the urge to block those feelings. Of course, this can apply to more than a hurting child. We all encounter situations where the weight of another’s pain is great and might make us want to halt our own happiness. Yet, doesn’t God want us to enjoy this life despite challenges? Isn’t it healthy? And won’t we have more to offer? 

Our experience of joy and happiness is not a betrayal to someone hurting but a necessary part of life. #unexpected #joy Click To Tweet

At first, I attempted to feign happiness, especially for the sake of my other children. Yet it wasn’t genuine, and they could see right through it. However, that didn’t stop me; I am a big proponent of faking it until you make it. One must start somewhere.

As the one who usually sees the glass half full, joy and happiness inevitably began to creep back in, which ushered in unbearable guilt. Have you ever felt guilty for feeling good?

Thank goodness for a God who spoke to me and never left me and for the people who were brave and wise enough to speak into my life. Together, we began to realize to travel this unknown road with mental illness; I needed all the joy and happiness I could find. Plus, joy is contagious, and our ability to model healthy emotions becomes a valuable gift to others.

The Power of Joy and Happiness

Attaining a perfect balance between pain and happiness is most likely impossible. Yet, that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t strive for more joy and happiness. These valuable emotions can give us strength and hope, allowing us to endure our struggles and give us the ability to help others well. 

Joy strengthens us on hard days, and happiness can make us smile, which is good for the soul and energizes us. So why do we often deny these valuable emotions when surrounded by pain? 

Of course, joy and happiness won’t erase our struggles, but they can help us endure the journey. #joy #happiness Click To Tweet

When we allow ourselves to experience joy and happiness, we benefit ourselves and have more to offer others.

Here are a few reasons to seek joy and happiness—

• Joy is contagious.
• By modeling healthy emotions, we can positively impact those around us. 
• It brings us closer to God’s desire to experience joy in our lives. 
• We need the joy of the Lord to sustain our journey.
• Happiness is not a finite resource; instead, it’s all around us—however, we need to pause and notice it
• We can feel multiple emotions at once without one canceling out the other.

In my post on Devotable, “When You Want Joy and Happiness,” I share why these two words are better viewed separately due to their different meanings. Society often uses them interchangeably, but knowing the meaning of each gives valuable insight.

Pain and Joy Can Coexist

Have you ever noticed how some people go through dire circumstances and never seem to lose their joy? Why? I believe it is because they chose it.

I glanced over at my friend with her cute hat on her head that kept her warm since her hair had fallen out. She smiled from ear to ear as she watched me play with her children outside. Then, all of a sudden, she stepped forward, wincing a bit but with grace, beauty, and strength as she stated, “Let me have a turn on the green machine.” It was a shaky riding toy that wiggled from side to side. She placed her feet on the handles and her bottom on the green seat and pushed with all her might. 

We all broke out in squeals, holding back happy tears, knowing it took great strength to choose joy and happiness amid her great suffering. Yet, she mastered it, fueled all of us, and forever burned a memory in our hearts and minds. 

It is Never Too Late

The good news is—it’s never too late to choose joy and happiness. We have an opportunity every day to choose wisely. Choosing joy is not a betrayal of those who suffer but rather an acknowledgment of our worth, and our ability to model healthy emotions becomes a valuable gift to others.

Perhaps in the midst of someone else’s pain, it will be a constant battle to feel worthy of joy. We tend to forget we are important, too. We must not let others’ pain interfere with our need for joy and happiness. And remember, by doing so, we can better offer our love and support to those we care about. 

Do you allow the pain of others to hinder your ability to experience joy and happiness? Let’s choose to push aside those negative thoughts and embrace the joy that is waiting for us.

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